My One True Love

         Things in life change. People change, places change, relationships change. I know for sure that things in my life have constantly changed. The person I am has changed, people in my life have changed, and my friends have also changed. However, one of the few things in my life that's always been there is me and music. To me, music is magic. It's hard to find things in life that you'll always love no matter what; something that you feel passion for on a level where life becomes a pursuit of a certain goal. Music makes me feel happy and sometimes it makes me sad. But I let it take the reign of my feelings and I love riding it where ever it may take me. I love music cause that's when I feel real but surreal. It's a drug to me that I don't want to ever stop taking and it's helped overcome things in life. I feel like passion and love like that is hard to find. I'm glad to have found something in my life like that. Sometimes people ask, 'would you rather be blind or deaf?' Without hesitation, my answer always turns out to be blind. When I hear the sounds and voices around me, I feel alive. I could never live without the sounds of music or sounds of life. Obviously it'd be frustrating to be blind but I could never bear the world to be mute. I thank god everyday for giving the ability to hear because I may have been insane if music wasn't in my lane.

Guys... DILEMMA

Guys: Can't live with em' and can't live without em. Its annoying when you're dealing with the ones you don't know how to deal with. 

First of all, it doesn't help that I have issues with relationships. It seems like I can't really stick to a relationship. For me, its the game. I love the game. Getting them to like me, notice me, and fall for me. But once I realize that they've fallen for me, it basically ends there. I don't really like them anymore. 

Recently, I've met someone who drives me nuts. We flirt but it seems like I have to be the first to initiate contact. And sometimes he seems interested but then he doesn't. Its like, 'WTF DUDE!' I think what's bothering me the most is that I'm not winning this game. 

Was there ever someone I really truly liked? I think I may have liked him and maybe I still do. I'm not sure. But that was in the past, and I'm trying to move on. It just seems that, that's not working out for me. I seem to be messing other's hearts and maybe I should stop but idk.... i dont think i will just cuz i cant. 

Dramatics- Runs in the Family

                                   


 Lately, I've had this red eye problem with my right eye. Its been that way for couple of weeks. So finally, my mom notices and we went to the doctor's. In the process, we were running late and my brother who had his dentist's appointment had to get it cancelled. He becomes all dramatic and mad about it. Which is what inspired me to share with the world on how my family is really dramatic.

Brother: He's basically crazy and weird. I love him to death cause we have sooo much fun together. But he's also paranoid about things and he gets scared about the stupidest things. He gets very intense about dressing right. Honestly, this 17 year old boy, asks me what he should wear everytime we're going out or something.. And then when he gets mad, he doesnt talk to anyone. He gets really pissed and he just does his own thing silently and gives everyone around him the cold shoulder which just gets annoying at times.

Father: He's basically the king of dramatics. I swear, this man takes everything LITERALLY. And he's just so insecure and always thinks negatively about every single thing. And then he has this thing where he thinks lame things are like the funniest thing in the world. Of course that's when he has to tell the ALL of his friends about the funny joke. And he falls for anything that seems miraculous and unbelievable. He honestly blindly believes things that make no sense.

Mother: This woman needs everyone in the house to ALWAYS be cleaning and ALWAYS be doing something. And she gives me and brother like no privacy. She always has to know each and everything. And  disorganization basically brings chaos into our house like no other.

Me: I take each and every little thing in my life and seriously like magnify it. It becomes big and that's probably very stupid of me but that's how I am. Not just that, when I'm with my friends, I love being dramatic. Not dramatic in a sense where everything turns bitchy and its all about 'he said, she said' More like be fun and cray :P

but thats my dramatic family. LOL

The Good ol' days

       Today, I visited this camp that I usually volunteer at. I'm like the music teacher/children's recess time coordinator/other stuff. While I was with the kids, I realized how much life changes as you grow up and how there's certain things that you'll always miss. There's this innocence that kids have while they grow up and that innocence is basically bliss. We're just so free and nothing really matters. Life is all about fun and games. It's nice to feel that way. It's amazing to feel so carefree and I guess I miss those old days. Being a kid. 

So what changes? Where's that innocence go? 

But at the same time, with age comes responsibilities and things that make us happy. I guess in that way, life is great, letting us experience different things.

Texting while you're with someone else

             You know when you're with you're friends and you all decide to hang out. And then, when you're hanging out, instead of actually talking to each other, everyone is texting someone else and you're just like, 'WTF?!' Its annoying how people do that nowadays. I'll admit I do too. But when I do it, it's sorta the, 'OMG! HE TEXTED ME!!! AHHHHHH!!!'  type of texting so its fun for all of us. Its frustrating that people can't properly pay attention to the person they're actually talking to. I guess it can be different when people you're with friends that you're always hanging out with But still, at some point, it gets really annoying... oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A BESTIE OF MINE. SONA!!!

All I Want Is Me

        I want to be strong. I want to be independent. I want to not rely on anyone. But none of this is really possible. Everyone needs someone. I've begun realizing that what culture teaches me about women may actually be strong.
        I didn't believe this for the longest time because I never opened up. When you keep yourself closed and  don't really let people close to you, Me, Myself, and I is enough. But once you start opening that heart of yours, its really over.
        My culture says, that women always need a man in their lives to take care of them. First, women begin as little girls that rely on their fathers. Eventually they grow and they have their lover/husband to rely on. And if they're unfortunate and lose their significant, they have their children/son to rely on.
        I hated to believe this and I still do. It's unfair that women should seem so weak to have to rely on men for things. But it turns out that I look for someone to rely on to this day. I have friends but its not enough because I don't have a father I can rely on. Because of that, there's this emptiness that I constantly feel and its depressing.
       All I want is me but it ain't working out. The truth is, me myself and I, its not enough.
       

This is what happens when you're all blogged out

I've been writing all these random things in life that i think about. And there are more things I'd like to write about but this week, im just so outta energy. Its a bit hard to take time, think, and write something really meaningful. Its not writers block but its me being lazy and writing about it. Anyways, there's not going to be anything good that comes outta this blog(i think) until the end of this week. So those who read this. 

I'M SORRY OKAY?!?!

and I feel sad. I wish I could run to the beach and just let it outtttttttt like i would have, back at the forest.