Pakistan and U.S Relations

     
         I was recently watching a documentary about the attack and killing of Osama Bin Laden. It's really interesting how the government puts its best together in order to work towards capturing and killing of a terrorist who caused the death of many.

      While watching this documentary, I came across information that really disturbed me.
 
        So it's a fact that Pakistan and U.S intelligence were working together to bring down terrorists and their assistance has helped bring down about 5 out of 10 major terrorists that have been captured. However, it's believed that Bin Laden was believed to be staying in the complex where he was killed since 2006. It is believed that many members of the Pakistan intelligence were aware of this information.

       Many leaders in the U.S Government believe that Pakistanis should not be trusted anymore. They believe that all assistance and cooperation should be stopped and that Pakistan should officially be considered as an uncooperative state.

      My personal opinion is that this is would be a very stupid and idiotic step. First of all, there obviously something wrong if Bin Laden could stay grounded for that long. It means that Pakistani government is corrupt like many other countries. However, it's deemed to be beneficial for the U.S to be in relation with Pakistan and to work with them.

     Next, if U.S stops sending funds to Pakistani in order to educate their younger generation, they'll stop the long term solution to terrorism. Terrorism comes from ignorance. By not educating children, they're more likely to be manipulated by those with power and money.

     Not only that, why should the kids suffer the consequences of wrongdoing by adults. This absolutely makes no sense because kids are the future of the world. If they're not taken importantly and regarded with care and sincerity, World Peace is something we can forget about.

 

School Shootings: JUST STOP

      I just read about the school shooting that's occurred this morning in Connecticut and my heart is breaking right now. Its hard to imagine how people can become such cold hearted and why this happens. Every adult was a child. And we remember how children can be, right? Children with their innocence playing around, frolicking with their playmates, and when they want something, they look at us with those eyes we can't resist?
      So what happened? Did you forget how life was as a child? Did you forget the small innocent things about life that make it so sweet?
      .... Maybe, life wasn't that great as you were growing up. But shouldn't that be your motivation? Shouldn't you want to make it a better place so that children that are like you were have some place to go.
      It's really sickening how people can literally slaughter those that symbolize the innocence of our world. Children bring creativity into existent and they basically can change a person's life. The fact that one of the persons who did is a 24 year old is disappointing. This is someone who not that much older than me.
       What will happen to the world if no one thinks about this. Is this a sign of innocence diminishing around the world? Because that's what it seems like.

Haters Just Hatin

Many of us support Obama and many supported Romney. What's sad though, is that many of us get into this intense feeling of supporting the candidate we like by developing unusual feelings of strong hatred for someone we don't even know personally. So I ask people to think abou

t this:

Yes, a lot of the times, this is mostly about power and money but ultimately, these men are sacrificing their lives, their privacy, their family's privacy, and so many other things in order to somehow serve their countries. Both Obama and Romney both ran because they feel like they can make a difference in the world. However, they both have very different views. All of us know what it is like to be different and have different views. Its not right that we choose to hate either candidates because they both want to make a difference in the world and sacrifice their lives in doing so. We have to respect that they go this far because not everyone does. Not everyone cares or gives a shit about the world.

Obama won and Romney lost. Turns out that the majority of America wants to see Obama do more in the next four years instead of having someone new like Romney. There's going to be difference made in the world. So lets stop hating and see how they make that difference and as Citizens of the United States of America, support them in making this a better country. 

When there's more than one road

     
           I've switched to blogging about current events but this is one of those moments where I'm going to get a bit personal again. I don't like going into details because I'm not fully sure who reads this.

          What happens where there's more than one road. Well lets start from the beginning. This story begins with Rady as a freshmen in college. The person she was when she first began college was very innocent and religious. She knew who exactly she had chosen to be and she was proud and sincerely committed to living a lifestyle that would please her parents and mentors. But then, like most kids in college, she turned over to the dark side(whatever that means). She met people and saw different parts of life she hadn't exactly experienced before. Rady was a girl that had been through a lot. Most people have difficulties in life they go through but then there are people that go through extreme situations. Rady went through extreme circumstances. And as she was going through these times, she tried her best to use her connection with her culture to give her strength and go through everything but in the end, it didn't go the way she wanted. And so she decided to give herself a break for awhile.
          She's really changed and she's been doing things that wouldn't really be characteristic of her but its her experimenting and living life on the other side.

          However, there are things she found out lately and she knows she needs to take the time and find herself so she's not going to change her decision of exploring different things. But she feels these feelings of guilt that she's rejecting the love some very special people have to offer her. They've offered her shelter and love like she's never really experienced before.

So now what happens there more than one road she can take?

WATCHYU WANT? Huh.

  If you're a regular reader, you know I'm a college student. As a college student, I see many of my friends struggling with their choices of their classes. Sometimes it's not even about their choice in what classes they take but it's actually that they really don't like what they're doing. And this is what I have to say about that:

           WATCHYU WANT BOI? Huh?

 
  This is the thing. College prepares you for the future that you want for yourself. We study different subjects in college as a part of the general education curriculum and then we ultimately choose an area of subject for studying. And if you're going to hate what you're studying. Why you doing it? These things that you study, they're preparing you for a career that hopefully you'll be happy and content with. Yes, it may be quite challenging. I have quite a few friends that are taking different subjects and they're really hard science subjects. They spend hours studying and their social lives seem to cease. But the thing is, they like what they're learning or going into. And that's the motivation. If you're going to choose something you hate, eventually, it'll be too hard.
 
         SO WATCHYU WANNA DO? :P 

It's Our Time

       Most people my age(19) are like me. They tend to not really care about other things in the world. One of those important things are politics and different situations around the world. While I'm at work, I tend to have some time on my hands and I've been getting a bit more interested in world affairs. As we grow up, it's really hitting me that we're the future of this world.
      One thing that really got me is how unrealistic it seems sometimes because all these countries and nations in the Middle East are struggling. Their governments are so unstable and there's so much corruption and violence. For example, Libya is going through quite the rough time. Here's a headline from an online news website:

And then there are all these protests and things going on in Japan and China regarding the few islands that Japan claimed as their territory. 

The point is that all these things are going on around the world. And sometimes it just really surreal. We're living here in the States, enjoying the freedom to vote, to freely express ourselves, to be ourselves, with a type of safety many countries don't have. 

It's time to realize that we're becoming adults and that we can make a difference with our thoughts and opinions. People my age tend to not vote or care about matters like these but they don't realize how blessed we are. We got where we are right now because of our founding fathers and now its time to make a difference in the world. It's our time. 

More than meets the eye

  Just an Intro to Journalism Interview Paper where I turned a personal interview into a story. I feel like theres much work to do and to improve on.


  More than meets the Eye

LF – No doubt, LFC students, like many others, categorize each other based on different activities and crowds they’re affiliated with. It’s the human nature to judge and to be judged. However, it seems that most student have something that ties them to each other. It happens to be something that sets students apart from each other but at the same time tying them to together. This something happens to be culture.

        Donnie Cald, a football player for the college team, explains how culture is an important aspect of his life. Donnie is not an international student but at the same time he expresses the importance of culture. He elaborates, “Culture is something that sets me apart from everyone else but at the same time, it’s something that brings me together with other students because of diversity.”  Mhlon Mabu, an international student from Swaziland, Africa, reveals that culture is also an important aspect of life for him. Ardy Retti and Regi Mill share the same views as Cald and Mabu on culture although they both come from backgrounds of mixed culture.

          All these students live very different lives. Every day, each one of them work and aim toward different goals. While Retti works toward finding different creative outlets and expressing self in different artistic ways, Mill works toward reaching his academic goals and doing his best in developing his physique. In a similar way, Cald works toward being the best student-athlete he can be and Mabu works toward success. And when things get tough for these students, each has their own way of dealing with hard times. For, Mill, running is an escape from reality. Whereas the glory that awaits at the finish line is what keeps Mabuza going. On the other hand, his little brother and sister is what keeps Cald going. In the same way, Retti finds that he can go on during difficult circumstances with the support of his friends.

          No doubt that all these students come from different backgrounds. Cald plays football on the college’s team, Retti djs on the college’s radio broadcast and writes for the college’s literary magazine, Mabu is an international student busy with his studies, and Mill is busy working on his physique and involved in a fraternity. However, there’s more than meets the eye to these men. There’s culture to each one of them however different it might be. And it’s made them different from each other. At the same time, the importance of culture and values bring them together.

         

                                                    

Body and Spirit

 
      I'm in this Intro to Journalism class and I had to interview few people. One of my questions was:

What is something you work towards everyday?

      And one of my friends that I interviewed answered that he aims to do well in school and also reach his highest potential in his physique.

     It's an admirable thing to work towards but it made me think of something I've been taught over and over again in my culture. We are not this body. We're the soul.

So it made me think how much time and effort he spends in working on something that will eventually no longer exist. When we die, this body is left but we still exist and that's because we're not defined by the body but the living spirit that gives life to the body we have, made of earthly elements. The body and spirit are two different things but we simply cannot say that our bodies define us because that would mean we no longer exist when our bodies begin to disintegrate and die. We are eternal beings and we can only be defined by that living spirit within us.

So then why do we put so much time and effort on our body rather than the spirit? Wouldn't it be a complete waste of time to spend so much time on something that is temporary and ignore what is permanent?

The body and the spirit. Its interesting to think about.

Bro-Zoned

       

    Guys have this problem being friend-zoned, right? Well I have a problem being bro-zoned. Lemme tell you about it.
     So I have this problem of bro-zoning myself. I seriously do. This is the thing. I usually meet a guy that really interests me and I really want to be friends with him. But then, I subject myself as a bro to him and then I'm stuck in the bro-zone. It's honestly really annoying. I don't know how to approach boys. I suck at it. And then, when I do approach them, my natural bro-ness just kicks in. It's honestly really annoying but at the same time I guess I don't mind.
    This is what I figure, when the right guy comes along and if there's a guy that likes me truly for who I am, he'll be able to overlook my bro-self. He'll really see me and I know there are guys like that.
    Not only that, I honestly have some of the best friends I've had because of the person I am and also because I make it easier for guys to talk to me. I like who I am...

But it's still annoying being bro-zoned. 

Racism - Why its Logically Illogical

                 This is the dictionary.com definition of racism:
noun

1.

a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among thevarious human races  determine cultural or individualachievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

2.

a policy, system of government, etc., based upon orfostering such a doctrine; discrimination.

3.

hatred or intolerance of another race  or other races.

I'm talking mainly about number 3. Nowadays, it's honestly just impossible to judge people based off different things. People are so different and there's just so much individuality that it's honestly really stupid to assume that because people might share one or two interests or characteristics, that their beliefs are the same. Even people that come from the same ethnicity or religion are all different. While they have the same beliefs, how much they're devoted to their culture or religion varies for each person. It's really honestly, illogical to make the assumption that all people part of a certain ethnicity or religion are all the same. 

Lack of Communication

     

       Last night, I had an amazing conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking about the changes in people we truly thought we knew. It was an interesting conversation and its something that's been occurring to me lately. I've been getting to know people in a way that I didn't know them before.

      My latest situation: I thought I knew someone and had this picture of them in my head but when things changed and all these situations popped up, I saw someone I didn't even know.

       Was it my fault? Maybe there wasn't enough communication and I didn't properly convey my feelings and thoughts to this person. Maybe I should have been more clear about things. Maybe I should have done things differently.

   But at the same time, is all that time and effort even worth it? Do I even matter? I kept hearing different things.

     Another situation: I have a friend who's very special to me. But lately, things have been distance between us because I feel like he needs that. I want him to talk to me when he's ready.

The point, all these types of things happen because there's lack of communication and the fear of being judged. I feel like honesty is the really the way to go in these types of things. People just need to be open about how they feel and clear about things. 

Shit Happens But Fun Never Stops

 


Well, lately, theres been a lot of drama in life and it really affected me. I wasn't doing well but lately, things are changing for me. Personally, I've been more happier this whole week than I've been for the longest time. It made me realize that sometimes, things happen for the best and life is what you make it to be. This week, I tried. This week, I went out and did crazy things I would never do. I've been busy with people and activities. I actually put myself out of my comfort zone and went to play soccer with all these boys from campus. With only two girls, the games were intense. There were injuries and we were all serious but I had SO MUCH fun! I ended up sleeping at 5:30am and it was such a fun night yesterday :P Not only that, I've met new people and made new friends. I've begun to work out and I'm happy with my life.

I'm completely happy with my life and I'm loving the way I feel since it feels like I'm actually headed where I want to be in the future.... Shit happens but the Fun Never Stops! :D

Forgiveness and Honesty - Me, Him, and Her

   

   There was a lot of drama that's occurred. And this is what I want to say about what happened hoping that the two people involved in this will read this and understand what happened and why forgiveness and honesty is the best way to deal with this.

      Me, him, and her There were two people involved and my best friend(Her)<<who i consider my sister>> is not going to talk to someone I used to consider a close friend of mine(Him).

    First, whatever happened occurred because of chain events, not because I meant to blackmail or ruin the friendships of those two people. It honestly just happened. But now that these things happened, I'm going to constantly suffer wishing that I'd never have met Him and had the fun memories with him if it means that He lost Her friendship. My happiness is not worth it at the cost of His friendship with Her.  So this is my attempt to express whats in my heart. I hope Her will understand that Him is someone worth keeping in Her life because if there's anything I know about Him, it's that he'll do anything for her happiness. He just wants to see that beautiful smile on her face and that her friendship is important to Him above anything.

   Friendship is something beautiful, friendship is love. And the real truth is, friendship is so rare. We may have people we share stories and have fun with but friends are different. Real friends are different. It's not just about sharing stories but its about sharing lives, sharing happiness, sharing feelings. We find that it's hard to find people that will share all that with us because that's a lot of sharing. Sharing is caring. haha

   However, sometimes, we're afraid of being judged. We feel that we will be judged and that our friends won't understand. And it's right to be afraid because it does happen. I have friends that I've literally known my whole life but they don't know a part of me and they never will. Why? Because people have the tendency to judge. But that's part of being human. We judge and we are judged.

What's sad is when we let these things between friendships. Its something I strongly disagree with. It's fine to have our own beliefs but they shouldn't break friendships.

In the end, when things get tangled and messed up, it's only the best to be honest and place faith that maybe, JUST maybe, they'll forgive and we'll move on. Sometimes, there's a certain point we get to where we should know that honesty is the only way.

When you have a friend that's given you so much time and care, don't let it go. I let it go as a sacrifice. Not out of anger and despise. As a friend, I'll always have and will love Him. But I'm not sure if he ever really knew me and if I ever really knew him. Yes, I did have feelings for him. But not anymore. Things are over.

My only concern is regarding Him and Her. I wouldn't mind if all the blame goes on me. I just want them to be friends. I just want them to be how they were because He could keep her happy and help her in ways I never can.

I Just Miss My Friends

                 

     So today I was talking to a friend of mine about flirting and to give her examples, I was going through a conversations I had with a friend of mine in the past. While I was going through those conversations, I realized that I miss my friend and its not just him. I miss some of my best friends that I feel like I've lost.

  Sometimes, feelings ruin friendship and its the worst thing ever. The truth is, I've learnt from experiences in these past two years that friends should just stay as friends.

  The times and memories that you have as friends are sometimes just ridiculous. It's sort of funny. But all good things in this world come to an end at some point. I guess I just miss my friends. Both of them. 

One of those stupid days

    Sometimes it's one of those days. It's one of those days where you seem to be doing really stupid stuff and it's just really hilarious. For example, I accidentally wrote a paper on the Illiad when I was supposed to write it on the Odyssey. It was just really funny. And then, to top it off, I started work at a new place. One of my old professor was introducing himself to me since I'm the new employee at the office. He didn't realize that I was a student from the previous semester. I told him that he that I knew him because he had taught me and then I reminded him of how I had actually gotten in trouble with him. I'm not sure that was really smart but it was pretty stupid of me. But you know, it's just one of those stupid days for me. But then again, everyone has one of those :P 

Confused?

   

     It's that feeling that a lot of us go through when all these things hit you all at once. Sometimes you should feel something but you don't know just because you're in shock. And sometimes you don't even feel the right feelings for whatever situation you're in.

Happy: This happened to me this summer. I learned about the engagement of my cousin and good friend. I was SHOCKED! It was good news but instead of being happy, I was more upset that I didn't hear about this from him and he didn't tell me. haha I was not happy when thats how it should have been. 

Sad: So all this random boy drama is going on. The fact that I was considering this guy seriously and not as some fling means he meant a lot to me. But with the way things ended and after everything happened, instead of feeling sad and down about it. I've been pretty cheerful and alright. Inside me, there's this storm of confusion and madness I guess. But I'm not sad lol.

Angry: When I get angry, I sorta get sad? I feel sad that I even have to feel angry about that certain issue. I'm not sure. It's a weird way of feeling things. But I feel that way. 

AND THEN I'M JUST CRAZY. Yea there's no explanation for my craziness and sometimes I'm just crazy and hyper cuz thats how it be. :P

Yes I Lie, I'm Sorry?

  Hey world! :D So lately the number of viewers of my blog has been increasing and that makes me SUPER DUPER HAPPY!!! I hope that the numbers keep increasing. It's not that I want my name known around the world but I want my thoughts to be shared. So thank you all for taking time to read this whenever you do :P 

    Anyways, yes I lie. Even to my friends and people I honestly love to death. But sometimes when you grow up lying, living lie, living double lives cause you're afraid of being accepted how you are, it starts happening. You just start lying.
    But it's not like I lie and I don't regret it and shit but sometimes I can't help it. I've been learning lately that this all is not an excuse for me to lie. I feel like I want to become a better person. I want to be the best person I can be because I know I can.

    Lying is bad. But the truth we all do it. And it's inevitable because life is not simple. Life has so many  things we can't avoid and things get complicated. And so, in order to avoid problems, we lie. It's not the best solution but we try. And we go through things everyday. We learn new things but we keep trying. We try to be better than what we are because we know what we're capable of. We make mistakes but that's what being human is about.

   Yes I lie. But I'm not a bad person because I do.

Mood Swings

 



  I'm pretty sure everyone these days has mood swings just cause I'm pretty sure about this. It's one of those things that just happen. Or maybe it's just me being weird. But let me tell you about these mood swings.

   Last night, I went to sleep feeling content, happy, hyper, and fun. I had been listening to music and dancing my ass off.
  I woke up this morning feeling hopeful and strong. I felt that I could do anything and that I could conquer the world.
  By now, I feel lost and hopeless and tired of everything. I'm just tired.

  I feel like mood swings are very tiring. One minute its happy and next its mad. And so the cycle keeps going. I feel like there's a psychological answer as to why things can be this way. I've been trying to analyze mood swings and this is the explanation I came up with.

Basically, what causes mood swings is that things have the ability to very easily change your feelings and attitude about life. Which means that you're affected very easily>> If you're very easily affected, that means that there's a lack of inner strength. lack of inner strength means that there is a lack of confidence. Which means that I have a problem with this. I think. But in a way, I don't think I have self confidence problems. Maybe my problem is that I rely on others too much.

Anyways, this mood swings problem is something that would be interesting to study in psychology. 

Over Analyzation is a bitch

 
     So you know that feeling when you think too much on matters. Yea.... sometimes it creates havoc and chaos in life. ESPECIALLY if it has to do with boys. Yes ladies, you know exactly what I'm talking about!

    If anything, I know that the number thing that females over analyze has to do with guys. I know that I do this constantly. I promise you that lately, my head's always asking me why I haven't been called or texted yet. Or does he or does he not like me. I feel like he's being more distant. I feel like I'm a bother. I feel like I shouldn't talk to him... BLAH BLAH BLAH

    I'm being a hypocrite when I say this, but maybe its time to turn this around, WOMEN! You know what, I think it's alright that we're more honest with our feelings. And just tell the man what you think. They'll let us know if we're right or wrong. It isn't that difficult being honest. My dear viewers, you may then ask, why can't I be honest with my special friend? Well that's because there's a certain circumstance I'm in. And I guess I just don't want to lose him yet. I know there's an end for whatever we have, sooner or later. But I rather that it be later and I just want to enjoy my time as his friend while it lasts.

   ANYWAYS. HONESTLY! I feel like we all do this too much and it's honestly time to be more open about our thoughts. Maybe we may chase them away. But if they're chased away that easily, they aren't worth our time and effort. And who knows, maybe it'll be refreshing for them to know whats on your mind.

But seriously, over analyzing is a bitch. 

War- Sometimes Good or Bad doesn't exist

  
  

    I'm currently taking an english course this semester in college and we've been studying and discussing the Illiad this semester which is my inspiration for this post.
    While studying the Illiad, we learned of two main characters, Hector and Achilles. As a reader, I tend to look for the right and the wrong. Both these characters were the strongest of their side and when you get into how Homer portrays them, the reader realizes that it's very hard to distinguish between the good and the bad side. In a section of the Illiad, the reader sees a side of Hector that is much different from the ruthless warrior they know. This Hector is a man of family and the way he loves and cherishes his son is actually quite beautiful and touching. At the same time, Achilles is also a character of strong emotions and also quite heroic.
    In this way, it's hard to distinguish who the real antogonist is. I feel like this applies to modern warfare too. Both sides of the war usually have a valid reason to fight. In addition to that, both sides have soldiers that have their own families that they have and fight to protect.
    From this, I think I've learnt, that many times the war is not about the wrong or the right. Sometimes its about the reason theres the fight. 

Child Birth

       Well those who know me know that I don't really like to think ahead. I don't like thinking about stuff like marriage and family and blah because I'm not personally at a place where I can even think about a future family. Obviously, I hope to have a family one day but it's definitely something I don't think about at this point.
       However, today has been a bit different. I watched my first ever child birth video and we've been going into child birth in more detail and its the most weird feeling to learn about this. I've been feeling all these mixed emotions about child birth.
       To all the men out there, yes I'm talking about child birth in my blog as weird as that sounds. So basically everything I've been feeling regarding child birth.

1. Scared as fuck: That's gonna hurt like that anything
2. Amazed: There's gonna be a baby growing inside me!?!?! WHAT?!
3. Confused: How in the world can something so big grow inside me?!?
4. Frustrated: I'm so fucked up. I can't be a mother!
5. Excited: Oh my gosh, there's gonna be a human being that'll come from me!
6. Cautious: I should probably start trying to be more healthy
7. Intrigued: Hm, I'm gonna meet someone I trust enough to make a baby with?


   I feel like this list is not at all enough to describe how I feel right now. It's so weird. Child birth... It's a subject I'm going to put aside for right now but it's definitely shaken me to the core today.

Why I haven't been blogging

     

        So lately, I haven't been blogging as much anymore. I apologize but it's really annoying to during the evening time. I am now living on campus so it's been much different now. I don't have a curfew anymore. I can go out whenever I want and basically, I got freedom. But I wonder how long that will go on. Since I'm limited on my money I don't know if I'll last this year on campus. I may have to move back home but that will be a pain in the ass. It really will be. But we all got to do what we have to do. I pray to God that I can save up enough money soon to pay for things I need.

         So the reason that I haven't been blogging is because my schedule is all messed up and different now. It's really annoying. Its awesome that I have class only till noon but after that, I'm basically doing nothing. And its nice I get time to myself but at the same time, I waste a lot of that time. I need to start working out and doing something more productive. Its time to get somewhere in life. And I feel like I won't get there if I don't start blogging. It sucks too that my readers have decreased. I'm coming back folks :D 

Heart Breaks

     

    Note: I'm stupid for not writing lately but I've recently moved and have been busy with work. Hopefully, I'll be writing more regularly now :P 

      So it's surprising that out of all people, I'd be writing about heart breaks. I'm used to being the girl that doesn't care. Some people judge me and think I really don't have the ability to care enough about someone to stick to them. Honestly, I don't care. I'm not even sure what type of person I am and what I'm capable of. I don't know if I'm shallow and care only about looks or if I actually care about a person. I tend to stay away from feelings because that's how I protect myself. 

      But I learned something new this summer. I learned that I'm capable of caring. And I think I like that. The situation I got into was a bit complicated and in the end I was the one who end up hurt. But at the same time, I got to experience memories that I'll always cherish because I was happy while they lasted. I know I'll be called stupid for jumping into something even though I knew it wouldn't work out but its life. If you find something worth it, go for it. I think the worst feeling a person can have is a 'what if' feeling. You don't want to do something that you'll always wonder about in the future because it can affect your present then. It'll be hard for me. I'll have to work hard to move on when the time comes. But right now, I'm happy as friends and joy it brings me. 

    And so, this will be my first will be my first break. Funny I'm smiling as I write this. But it's because it was worth it. 

Back to School

     Well that's nothing new right? Everyone's starting to go back to school but I've noticed recently that there's this certain feeling where most students are really nervous about going back. That's how I've been feeling, my brother, and also a few of my friends. I guess its a bit nerve racking to see everyone after MONTHS. In addition to that, it's sorta still summer. That careless feeling of freedom and fun still hasn't left our systems yet. Plus its new professors and new classes this year. Even though, we may be going back, there are still new things to come. That feeling of being unable to tell what's to come before us messes with our nerves. I mean yeah, its always like that. We never know what's going to happen to us but at the same time, this is dealing with something that's happening very soon!

     It's alright to be nervous and scared but don't let the fear overtake your ability to face life head on! 

why? Why? WHy? WHY?

         Sometimes, there's a certain person in your life and soon everything starts revolving around them. If you've been talking to them and its been good, your day goes well. But if things have been a bit rocky, your day basically sucks. Does this happen to me? I don't know. But if that's the case, I hate it. I hate it so much because I feel so insecure. But then theres nothing to be insecure about cause there's nothing there. But should there be? Even when there was a chance and I made sure it didn't happen but now things feel different. Why do I feel like I can be strong alone and that I'll be fine but then I feel like I need someone and that it needs to be them. Life is DAMN confusing cause it feels like everything is about them... WHY!!!!!!!

And then, Sentimentality Hit.

 

 
         Yesterday, we received a letter from an aunt of mine. It was a letter inquiring about my family and as a sister, my aunt was inquiring about my father. In the letter, they were inquiring about us and me. While my mom was reading that letter to me, my aunt asked what I had decided to study during college.  It seems that all my cousins have gotten far and accomplished something big. Two of them are engineers. One is a district magistrate and well, you know. The trend follows. It made me think of my family and I basically had this moment of sentimentality hit me. I realized I should do something that would make my family proud so that my relatives could have something good to talk about when they talk about me.
          Even if my career here is well regarded, many times Indians don't care about that kind of stuff. There are certain careers that women should and should not go into. But what makes me frustrated is why should I even care about what they talk off? My friends love me and the society here would respect regardless my family does or not.
          But its culture and that background that you come from that sometimes effects the way you think about. Sometimes it doesn't matter what other think but when you come from a certain culture, it starts to matter. And so sentimentality hit me. 

BLARGHHHHHH

ONE WORD:


CRAMPS

Shame on Myself

There's a lot of things I've said and done that have made me feel ashamed of myself. Most people these types of things. I was honking, however, that it goes beyond shame when you do something that hurts the people you love the most. I did something like this. All these emotions of pain, anger, and resentment were going through my mind when I did what I did. However, I didn't realize how it would affect the people who love and value me. That was when I truly felt shame. Shame that I didn't think about the consequences of my actions and how others would be influenced. I am so sorry now that I did what I did and in order to prevent it from happening again, I've decided to take action even if it's something I may detest. I'll do anything to avoid a situation like that again where I honestly felt shame to the core of my heart. 

BUCKET LIST!

   
     Lately, I've been getting excited about the crazy things in life I want to do. I guess that happens as one grows up. They experience different things and see the different things there are to do.
      I used to feel really annoyed about growing up and all the responsibilites. But now, I feel excited about all the things I can possibly do as I grow up. Sooo for that reason, I've created a bucket list of crazy things I want to do in life.

> Skydiving
> Crash a wedding
> Get a (Motor)Bike and a License to drive it
> Enter a legit race
> Travel around the world
> Learn all Extreme sports(skydiving, bungijumping, jetsking, ski, snowboard, surfing, etc.)
> ROAD TRIP!
> Meet a criminal
> Fly a plane
> Kiss a famous celebrity
> Get a shooting license and learn how to Shoot
> Create my own Batmobile
> Write a song that turns out to be a big hit.
> Fake Elope to scare everyone on April Fools and then maybe really elope
> Learn at least ten different types(cultural) of dances
> Tomato Festival in Spain!!


For right now this is what i can think of. haha.

Blank

   
       That moment you have when you're feeling broken but there are things that keep you going and there are things that are bothering you but you don't know how to deal with them. And you feel like you cant really blog about anything because you have this strong tendency to express why your heart feels so broken but then you remember, OH SHIT. THIS IS A BLOG AND PEOPLE READ IT. And then you don't want to sound so pitiable. Yea. That's what I'm feeling. 

What Makes a Human the Most Sad

       I'm not sure how this topic even popped in my head but with things getting tough lately, I thought of this topic. Life is hard and difficult and I can say I've been through some tough shit. But in the end I feel what made some of those things in life seem unbearable was the feeling of loneliness. Even if things are rough and difficult to the extreme, I feel that the worst feeling was that I am alone. No matter how many friends I have. No matter what, when things are hard, and everything feels so unbearable, what breaks me is the feeling of frustration from not being able to call someone or tell someone about my hardships. It isn't the hardship itself that makes me feel so given up but the feeling that no one understands. My friends all tell me that they're there for me and that I can always talk to them but its just so hard to talk to anyone at that point when you're the most broken and hurt. Life is all fun and games but honestly, without love or without someone there to protect or shelter, its difficult. Loneliness is what makes a human the most sad. It makes things seem unbearable. 

Passion to go Farther Than Ever

   
   


         Many people have goals, desires, and places they want to be at. I have that too and I'm sure you may have it too. But sometimes it just really sucks when you don't have the resources to be up there. I feel that way about my certain goal in music. I aim high and I want to seriously write songs but my skills in music are limited. To write a song means to write the music, the lyrics, in addition to deciding which instruments sound right and correct. It takes a lot to write a legit song and I really want to do that. I feel like I have the potential to make something out of myself and to show a world a part of me I can only show through music. Music is like soul food for me. It's something I can never stop doing. But I guess that's how the best of best get there. They come from the lowest level possible but they go high and they get somewhere no one thought they could go. And that's my passion: to go farther than ever. 

Safety for the sake of loved ones

       
   I put sailor moon as a pic to represent friends that make up your family cuz that was basically how it went in the show. :P

       People forget how love works sometimes. Love(im talking about love between friends and family) between two persons is mutual and if it's not, then at least your feelings or the other person's feelings are there. I know I love my friends. When they're happy, I'm happy. When they're sad, I feel sad. When they're in pain, I feel that pain for them. What's hard to remember is that this is exactly how someone who loves me feels. I have many loving friends from temple, school, college, and etc.. I forget that my happiness makes those friends happy and my pain makes those friends sad.
    I tend to be a reckless person. I love thrill and I love danger. There's this feeling of excitement and adrenaline rush that I'm addicted to. That's why I thrive on speed and find it almost impossible to obey the speed limit. But when there's people that love you, they fear for you. I have a friend who owns a bike and he was basically handicap all of beginning of the summer cuz of an earlier accident. I don't really express this to him but I have this constant feeling of concern and prayer that he'll be safe where ever he is. I feel like that about a lot of friends but I don't really express that concern. It's not like me to be like that.
    When there are people you love and people that love you, its the best that you be safe and considerate because your safety and well being affects them too. 

Immaturity on a Whole New Level

   Something that happens to be a pet peeve of mine: Immature adults. Now, I'm not talking about adults that can do stupid things and act funny and crazy. No, they just know how to have fun. I'm talking about the ones that don't do things by themselves when they have the ability to and act selfishly.

    I don't mean disrespect to my mother by this post but she really angered me today. Basically, she was supposed to go somewhere today. I had told her I was not going to go with her from the beginning. And there was a possible ride she could have gone with. But instead she thinks she can convince me. In normal circumstances, I would have agreed to go with her but I was honestly really exhausted. I had been out the whole day and I drove for almost 4 hours straight with a sever e back problem. I hadn't taken my iron pills and I was honestly about to pass out.
     My mother didn't understand this and was really insistent that I go with her but I was grounded in my refusal. Which leads to the bad blood that'll be between us two for a while. Plus, she won't let me do other things or go other places because I refused to go somewhere with her. Her reason for wanting to drag me along is because she's not good with direction but honestly, a lot of people aren't and she was going somewhere near our home. She got ready and then changed back. It was sorta immature of her and I know she's not the only adult out there like that. I know others too. It's annoying and takes immaturity to a whole new level.

Extreme Nationalism and It's Faults

   

Yes, I know. I usually write about something more personal in my blogs but I like writing about issues in the world that are out there and things many people don't think about. Today's its nationalism. Today or tomorrow, happens to be the Independence day of India and Pakistan. Two countries that have known to be enemies throughout their history.

    Many times I feel like enmity between nations and countries is due to pride and ignorance. For example, that shooting that took place in the Milwaukee Sikh Temple was due to the total ignorance of the perpetrator. The man who committed this act of hatred was full of ignorance. Due to ignorance he made assumptions on an ethnic group which was really idiotic. It's impossible to judge a group of people because each and every person is different.

    Many times, nationalism(at its extreme) blinds people in properly seeing things in a logical sense. For many years, there had been a certain enmity between India and Pakistan because of a piece of land known as Kashmir. Same with many middle eastern countries. I guess its cliche to ask but why can't people think of sharing? Maybe that doesn't make sense culturally but there needs to be a sense of respect for other cultures. Extreme nationalists provoke fights and violence. All this violence and death is senseless and full of ignorance.

Im not sure this blog made sense but I just wanted to share my thoughts. 

The Boy I met this Summer

       I met a boy this summer. When I first heard of him, I never thought I'd even meet him or anything would ever happen. I was with my friend and we were on Facebook checking her friends out. Apparently I happened to think one of her best friends is hot and so she posted on his wall telling him about me and what I said. Somehow we ended up conversing with each other through text and that's when things started going crazy. We would talk to each other for hours. We'd text every single day. I'd be the first one he texted evey day and same with me. We were basically a couple without the official title and we hung out a few times. He even accidentally called himself my boyfriend. After awhile, there were a few things we went through and there was a distance that grew between me and him. I sorta grew to have a crush on his friend and my feelings sorta just drifted.

     Then we have a mutual friend and I told her something between us and I didn't tell him first and that was my second time doing that but she was a bit upset that he hadn't told her because they were both close. He overreacted and we didn't contact each other for a few days although I did apologize. He overreacted and accused me of breaking his friendship with a friend of ours. At the same time, he said some pretty hurtful things about me to our friend while he got mad at me to her. In addition, he claimed I broke his trust. I honestly don't think I did all that. He really just overreacted.

      In the end, I apologized again but broke off contact with him. I'll admit that my feelings for him are that more than just a normal friend but I can't be with him and in a way, I don't want to be with him. He's special and I'm not sure why but he sorta nudged his way into this small space of my heart. I liked knowing him but I'm not sure I can handle any more attachment like this. Whenever I attach myself to someone who's special to me in a way, they leave or they have the ability to hurt me. Sometimes they do that without meaning to but the pain still sucks. So I said alvida. I said Good Bye to the Boy I met this summer.
      

Teamwork

     Some things in life sound so cliche and cheesy but honestly, they can be true. I'm serious. I've learnt today that teamwork can accomplish great things. Today was amazing. I'm an actress&director for a spiritual youth group and I feel so proud of my group. We've accomplished so much as a group. When I first started the group, I didn't see us doing anything big or impressive. I just saw us having fun and doing something together once again that we did as children. But we've grown so much as a group and are getting somewhere I'm totally amazed to see us at. I think it's amazing how much awesome teamwork can get you somewhere so far. I'm proud to be a director and my girls are just amazing. I'm proud of each and everyone of them. 

Bliss

         What is true happiness? What is that feeling of ultimate happiness supposed to feel like? Once in awhile, when I least expect it, I experience it. It was a very special day yesterday but it didn't feel like it at first. My whole day was so busy. I was running so many errands and basically driving the whole day. I got a police ticket and was stuck in traffic for the longest time. I was with a friend which seriously made things better for me. I'm sure I would have cried if she hadn't been there with me. All in all, it had been a very tough day. However, when it was midnight and I was standing in midst of the crowd, for the curtain to open at midnight, there was this anticipation building within me. And when the curtains did open and I just caught a glimpse of them, I felt this burst of love, happiness, and security. I felt as if I needed nothing else in the world. I felt light and I felt free. I felt bliss and true happiness. Nothing mundane can ever give me this feeling. The feeling I felt was magical. It was outta this world. 

Warning: it's getting late

         It's usually around the night time that I start getting moody. I get depressed really easily, I get mad really easily, and I also get hyper and giggly very easily. It's just what happens. And it doesn't really help that I have this annoying brother that seriously get REALLY REALLY annoying. Like seriously. This boy does nothing during the day except for watching shows, facebook, and maybe like one or two chores. And then he spends the whole day annoying me while I'm completing chores and other things. On top of that, my mom keeps getting annoyed about the smallest things and it just too much! When it gets late, I'm just tired and all these emotions that I sorta just tuck away during the day uncover themselves. That's when you should be scared... cuz i turn into a MEANNNNNN BEECHHH

MEANIE HEADS

   Remember my last post about head attacks? Well today, I had a severe one. One that made me CRY!!! :[  So today, I visit my campus and go to a few places for jobs and as I'm starting to head back home, I suddenly have a head attack and its a migraine like no other. I honestly cried. In pain. I don't cry often. Especially when it comes to physical pain. I'm just like that. BUT GUESS WHAT??? My family tends to not care and ignore this kind of stuff. I'm taking some rest in the bed trying to sleep off the migraine when my little brother that I very much think is annoying comes and disturbs me in my sleep to tell me I have chores to do and he literally puts his face like in my face to wake me up. It took everything I had to punch him hard in the face. Then, my MOM, sees me cry but still really doesn't care. She just brushes it off.

   The point is, they should know me as a person and understand that I didn't feel well today. I know that this most likely really stupid and boring to read about but I needed to let the steam out. Like honestly, for once, I wish my family understood my feelings and dealt with me the way that I really want them to. 

Head attacks

    If any of you who read this are college students, you know what I'm talking about. I call em' HEAD ATTACKS. You're doing work or whatever it is that you do, and all of sudden, these head aches sorta just start creeping on you and then you suddenly feel the need to sleep but you have this load of work you need to finish and its just so aggravating.  You're just like, WTF? WHY THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN NOW? I don't know. I feel like this ALWAYS happens at the wrong moment. It's always when you have some bigass project or some important exam coming up and stuff. You can ask my roommate. Its not just me, it happens to her too. Maybe its the stress of the work. Study life is cray life is you ask me. Oh head attacks... 

Remember

I remember when I was young, we learnt that my grandmother was sick with cancer. I remember visiting her back at my home country. I was young but I remember bits and pieces of how I used to treat my grandmother and sometimes I feel like I was a jerk. I guess all these memories sort of surfaced because the grandma of a friend of mine passed away and it made me remember my own grandma. I love her. She was kind and nice and a warm-hearted person. She basically raised my younger brother while I was raised by my uncle for a few years. But I remember that I wasn't kind at many times and I feel sorry about that. I guess there are regrets from the past that all people have. But you have to hope for the best and just move on. Remember the memories and respect who you loved. 

Imagination: Living Life Beyond Reality

           Today I was talking to a friend of mine. And he tells me that he's old now and that his imagination has basically stopped functioning. I feel like imagination is one thing that all people should not forget about. No matter how old or young, I feel like imagination is an essential part of our lives. Imagination establishes a sense of creativity that livens up life. Even when a person is bored and not really doing anything, imagination can really make things interesting.
        Remember when you were young, with only a bed and a few pillows, you'd create a world where there was an ocean of lava about to swallow you. And so, you ventured into an adventure where there was no ending to the magic and creatures new to the world.
        Obviously, the range of imagination our imagination is going decrease as we age because responsibilities begin to weigh our shoulders so heavy, we begin to lose sight of the world that our minds can create. But really, imagination is what creativity is borne from and with creativity, we live a life beyond reality. 

Rationality

       Today, I was having a debate with a few friends. Basically, this debate was concerning which ethnic group is the most tardy out of all. The three groups we were discussing were, Indians, Africans, and Mexicans. Obviously, based on personal experience, we all had different hypothesis and ideas. I wasn't born in the United States. I immigrated here when I was less than a year ago. I went to preschool and kindergarten in the nation I was born. My friend who happens to be a Filipeno studied in Asia somewhere in an international school and my other friend who's actually an Indian studied in an African international school. 

        So, in this conversation, my Filipeno friend(ima call him Filipeno now) says that because of the diversity he's experienced at his international school, he can obviously judge other students. Basically, he was saying that he was going to judge or make assumptions about different ethnic groups based off the 40 or so different students he knew. I thought this notion was quite IRRATIONAL. 

        In my opinion, it is nearly impossible to judge groups of people because they're made of individuals and each individual is different. Not only that, they all come from different backgrounds, places, values, and teachings. In addition, many times, people change their behaviours according to their surroundings and situations. While a person may be very lazy in reality, when it comes to work, he may be very hard working. There are many more examples like these. The point is, its almost that the way Filipeno was thinking was not rational. The huge number of people in each ethnic group are not properly represented by a mere number. Rationality doesn't work that way.