Confused?

   

     It's that feeling that a lot of us go through when all these things hit you all at once. Sometimes you should feel something but you don't know just because you're in shock. And sometimes you don't even feel the right feelings for whatever situation you're in.

Happy: This happened to me this summer. I learned about the engagement of my cousin and good friend. I was SHOCKED! It was good news but instead of being happy, I was more upset that I didn't hear about this from him and he didn't tell me. haha I was not happy when thats how it should have been. 

Sad: So all this random boy drama is going on. The fact that I was considering this guy seriously and not as some fling means he meant a lot to me. But with the way things ended and after everything happened, instead of feeling sad and down about it. I've been pretty cheerful and alright. Inside me, there's this storm of confusion and madness I guess. But I'm not sad lol.

Angry: When I get angry, I sorta get sad? I feel sad that I even have to feel angry about that certain issue. I'm not sure. It's a weird way of feeling things. But I feel that way. 

AND THEN I'M JUST CRAZY. Yea there's no explanation for my craziness and sometimes I'm just crazy and hyper cuz thats how it be. :P

Yes I Lie, I'm Sorry?

  Hey world! :D So lately the number of viewers of my blog has been increasing and that makes me SUPER DUPER HAPPY!!! I hope that the numbers keep increasing. It's not that I want my name known around the world but I want my thoughts to be shared. So thank you all for taking time to read this whenever you do :P 

    Anyways, yes I lie. Even to my friends and people I honestly love to death. But sometimes when you grow up lying, living lie, living double lives cause you're afraid of being accepted how you are, it starts happening. You just start lying.
    But it's not like I lie and I don't regret it and shit but sometimes I can't help it. I've been learning lately that this all is not an excuse for me to lie. I feel like I want to become a better person. I want to be the best person I can be because I know I can.

    Lying is bad. But the truth we all do it. And it's inevitable because life is not simple. Life has so many  things we can't avoid and things get complicated. And so, in order to avoid problems, we lie. It's not the best solution but we try. And we go through things everyday. We learn new things but we keep trying. We try to be better than what we are because we know what we're capable of. We make mistakes but that's what being human is about.

   Yes I lie. But I'm not a bad person because I do.

Mood Swings

 



  I'm pretty sure everyone these days has mood swings just cause I'm pretty sure about this. It's one of those things that just happen. Or maybe it's just me being weird. But let me tell you about these mood swings.

   Last night, I went to sleep feeling content, happy, hyper, and fun. I had been listening to music and dancing my ass off.
  I woke up this morning feeling hopeful and strong. I felt that I could do anything and that I could conquer the world.
  By now, I feel lost and hopeless and tired of everything. I'm just tired.

  I feel like mood swings are very tiring. One minute its happy and next its mad. And so the cycle keeps going. I feel like there's a psychological answer as to why things can be this way. I've been trying to analyze mood swings and this is the explanation I came up with.

Basically, what causes mood swings is that things have the ability to very easily change your feelings and attitude about life. Which means that you're affected very easily>> If you're very easily affected, that means that there's a lack of inner strength. lack of inner strength means that there is a lack of confidence. Which means that I have a problem with this. I think. But in a way, I don't think I have self confidence problems. Maybe my problem is that I rely on others too much.

Anyways, this mood swings problem is something that would be interesting to study in psychology. 

Over Analyzation is a bitch

 
     So you know that feeling when you think too much on matters. Yea.... sometimes it creates havoc and chaos in life. ESPECIALLY if it has to do with boys. Yes ladies, you know exactly what I'm talking about!

    If anything, I know that the number thing that females over analyze has to do with guys. I know that I do this constantly. I promise you that lately, my head's always asking me why I haven't been called or texted yet. Or does he or does he not like me. I feel like he's being more distant. I feel like I'm a bother. I feel like I shouldn't talk to him... BLAH BLAH BLAH

    I'm being a hypocrite when I say this, but maybe its time to turn this around, WOMEN! You know what, I think it's alright that we're more honest with our feelings. And just tell the man what you think. They'll let us know if we're right or wrong. It isn't that difficult being honest. My dear viewers, you may then ask, why can't I be honest with my special friend? Well that's because there's a certain circumstance I'm in. And I guess I just don't want to lose him yet. I know there's an end for whatever we have, sooner or later. But I rather that it be later and I just want to enjoy my time as his friend while it lasts.

   ANYWAYS. HONESTLY! I feel like we all do this too much and it's honestly time to be more open about our thoughts. Maybe we may chase them away. But if they're chased away that easily, they aren't worth our time and effort. And who knows, maybe it'll be refreshing for them to know whats on your mind.

But seriously, over analyzing is a bitch. 

War- Sometimes Good or Bad doesn't exist

  
  

    I'm currently taking an english course this semester in college and we've been studying and discussing the Illiad this semester which is my inspiration for this post.
    While studying the Illiad, we learned of two main characters, Hector and Achilles. As a reader, I tend to look for the right and the wrong. Both these characters were the strongest of their side and when you get into how Homer portrays them, the reader realizes that it's very hard to distinguish between the good and the bad side. In a section of the Illiad, the reader sees a side of Hector that is much different from the ruthless warrior they know. This Hector is a man of family and the way he loves and cherishes his son is actually quite beautiful and touching. At the same time, Achilles is also a character of strong emotions and also quite heroic.
    In this way, it's hard to distinguish who the real antogonist is. I feel like this applies to modern warfare too. Both sides of the war usually have a valid reason to fight. In addition to that, both sides have soldiers that have their own families that they have and fight to protect.
    From this, I think I've learnt, that many times the war is not about the wrong or the right. Sometimes its about the reason theres the fight. 

Child Birth

       Well those who know me know that I don't really like to think ahead. I don't like thinking about stuff like marriage and family and blah because I'm not personally at a place where I can even think about a future family. Obviously, I hope to have a family one day but it's definitely something I don't think about at this point.
       However, today has been a bit different. I watched my first ever child birth video and we've been going into child birth in more detail and its the most weird feeling to learn about this. I've been feeling all these mixed emotions about child birth.
       To all the men out there, yes I'm talking about child birth in my blog as weird as that sounds. So basically everything I've been feeling regarding child birth.

1. Scared as fuck: That's gonna hurt like that anything
2. Amazed: There's gonna be a baby growing inside me!?!?! WHAT?!
3. Confused: How in the world can something so big grow inside me?!?
4. Frustrated: I'm so fucked up. I can't be a mother!
5. Excited: Oh my gosh, there's gonna be a human being that'll come from me!
6. Cautious: I should probably start trying to be more healthy
7. Intrigued: Hm, I'm gonna meet someone I trust enough to make a baby with?


   I feel like this list is not at all enough to describe how I feel right now. It's so weird. Child birth... It's a subject I'm going to put aside for right now but it's definitely shaken me to the core today.

Why I haven't been blogging

     

        So lately, I haven't been blogging as much anymore. I apologize but it's really annoying to during the evening time. I am now living on campus so it's been much different now. I don't have a curfew anymore. I can go out whenever I want and basically, I got freedom. But I wonder how long that will go on. Since I'm limited on my money I don't know if I'll last this year on campus. I may have to move back home but that will be a pain in the ass. It really will be. But we all got to do what we have to do. I pray to God that I can save up enough money soon to pay for things I need.

         So the reason that I haven't been blogging is because my schedule is all messed up and different now. It's really annoying. Its awesome that I have class only till noon but after that, I'm basically doing nothing. And its nice I get time to myself but at the same time, I waste a lot of that time. I need to start working out and doing something more productive. Its time to get somewhere in life. And I feel like I won't get there if I don't start blogging. It sucks too that my readers have decreased. I'm coming back folks :D