Giving up

I haven't written here in awhile but hey, I'm back!

       Today I was thinking of how exhausted I am. I've been putting hours and hours of work into all my classes and I've been trying my hardest to reverse the way I deal with studies. It kinda drains you know?
       So there I am, thinking how I just want to give up. I want to really just leave everything and go become some sort of nomad. I don't wanna give a fuck anymore. I just dont wanna care. It all seems hopeless anyways with everything else that's goin on.
        But really as I thought about it a little later in the day, that's not how it works. It's not hopeless like that. I honestly have so many choices in life. There are so many others that are stuck in situations that seem more hopeless than mine.
       

Im a girl... And sometimes too much of a fan girl

Every time I see this, my heart races and I cant stop making weird sounds that make no sense. I want this man so so so so so bad. I think we both would make beautiful babies. I also believe that I'm perfect for him with cute, a hidden sexy, a mysterious exoticness and blah blah blah...All i want is this man. This Jakey is so cute. HEs likes the most awesome actor ever and i want him so bad omg omg omg omg i want him so bad. His brilliant acting, seriousness that reaches his eyes, nervousness that makes him jittery and his smile that brings out his sincerity, and of course his luscious hair, sea blue eyes, and his nicely built arms. Not only that, he's got to have a creative streak for being a director. He's dedicated for having started his career so young and simply amazing. i wish i got to meet him atleast once...Itd make my life *sigh*

Ohhhhhh Hipposssssss

     

 Me and my friend got into a fight again. But I knew it was going to happen because she does that. I've never had a friend treat me so cruelly before. If I'm angry, I'm upfront with my friends and we clear it out without much bitching. But she has this thing where she's clear what my weak points are and every time things go sour. Every single time.
       I'm not weak. I'm not sure who she thinks she is but I basically have the power to ruin her life, her relationships, her family, and so much more in ways she can't even think of. But I don't even think about going there. Its not worth it.
       She judges me for taking part in activities that doesn't approve of. But what of her. She's a complete hypocrite. And I'm mad now that she can't stop judging me especially when all I've ever tried to do is be a good emotional support and have cared for her well-being. I will continue to do so until the end of my days
but I'm pissed about her judging me. I'm pissed that she thinks she can judge me when she herself is being a huge hypocrite.
        She wears a literal symbol that ties her to certain promises she's made in her life. Promises she's surely to have broken. Why take a vow to do something when you're not fully committing? In addition this vow has been taken openly so why is putting on a  face for the public and hiding her reality underneath the cover
        She's a big hypocrite. But everyone's a hypocrite in some way or another right? I am I know but I work hard and hope to be rid of that problem.
        My problem with her comes from the frustration that she as a hypocrite thinks she has the right to judge me. She thinks she can judge me for actions that I'm almost completely open about. Most people who know me know what I'm involved in and what I do. Most people who know her have an idea of who she is but don't know what she does.

Does any hypocrite have a right to judge me? I've done no wrong in the present situation. Innocent until proven guilty.

Biased Truths? What an idea.

    It was just the other day when my brother was asking my mother to look over a research paper he'd written. For his school assignment, he was required to have parents look over the paper in order to kind of certify the content? He'd written his paper on the necessity of investment in education for countries like India. He argued that in order to help the country step out of poverty, it was necessary for the government to invest in programs that helped children access easier and better education.
    Funny question and concern my mother had about this. She asked me, 'he's not writing anything bad about India is he?

My concern was, what if he did critique India? Yes it is one thing to have a spirit of nationalism however, the world must know the truths.

A mother cannot protect her son if he is a criminal. A friend cannot cover his friend if they committed violence. A government cannot be forgiven for its corruption. People cannot on any circumstance be forgiven for acts of cruelty.


My mom meant to say that if my brother wrote bad things happening in our country of origin, he shouldn't because its shameful. I completely disagree because every country has their goods and bad. My brother, as a researcher, shouldn't be biased in his findings.

The truth is the truth.

Summers-A-Here

          My dear viewers, I understand that it's been quite the while since I've last written. I'm a college student busy with a double major in Psych and English and a minor in International relations. Not only that, my life is contaminated with the constant appearances of dramatic situations that seem to tangle me in ways so ridiculous.
          Usually, I write these on my thoughts on different subjects that appear in my life but these past months during my school year is an experience that I'd like to share with strangers unknown to me. To share accounts on ones life is something less challenging to with strangers. This is because they are strangers thus there's no fear of being judged.

          So... About this year. Ohmyholy... One of the craziest semesters I've had. EVER!. So many things and and so many new people but together it's been such a blast. I've never had so many feelings I've felt all at once. Even the ending ended with a bam... Its like one of those bam endings to a season of your favorite show.
          It helped me understand that life is too short for us to actually try be persons that people surrounding us want us to be. Morever, I really fell in love with myself this semester. I genuinely like who I am and who my friends are.
           Not only that, for the time ever, I think I may be in a real relationship soon. Its amazing that I've finally reached this place where I may start genuinely liking someone.

It's a revolution every year. A revolution of the self.  To be continued.... ^_^

Legacy of a Friendship

My soul-sistah is a junior 

and she's almost gone. 

I feel from sadness, this heart will drown 

but for her and only her I take this frown 

and make sure it stays upside down.

Distance will increase 

communications decrease

Fear is a disease

It plagues me from peace

But our hearts will remember 

and memories wont be forgotten 

As long as I live 

For her, anything I'll give.

Pakistan and U.S Relations

     
         I was recently watching a documentary about the attack and killing of Osama Bin Laden. It's really interesting how the government puts its best together in order to work towards capturing and killing of a terrorist who caused the death of many.

      While watching this documentary, I came across information that really disturbed me.
 
        So it's a fact that Pakistan and U.S intelligence were working together to bring down terrorists and their assistance has helped bring down about 5 out of 10 major terrorists that have been captured. However, it's believed that Bin Laden was believed to be staying in the complex where he was killed since 2006. It is believed that many members of the Pakistan intelligence were aware of this information.

       Many leaders in the U.S Government believe that Pakistanis should not be trusted anymore. They believe that all assistance and cooperation should be stopped and that Pakistan should officially be considered as an uncooperative state.

      My personal opinion is that this is would be a very stupid and idiotic step. First of all, there obviously something wrong if Bin Laden could stay grounded for that long. It means that Pakistani government is corrupt like many other countries. However, it's deemed to be beneficial for the U.S to be in relation with Pakistan and to work with them.

     Next, if U.S stops sending funds to Pakistani in order to educate their younger generation, they'll stop the long term solution to terrorism. Terrorism comes from ignorance. By not educating children, they're more likely to be manipulated by those with power and money.

     Not only that, why should the kids suffer the consequences of wrongdoing by adults. This absolutely makes no sense because kids are the future of the world. If they're not taken importantly and regarded with care and sincerity, World Peace is something we can forget about.

 

School Shootings: JUST STOP

      I just read about the school shooting that's occurred this morning in Connecticut and my heart is breaking right now. Its hard to imagine how people can become such cold hearted and why this happens. Every adult was a child. And we remember how children can be, right? Children with their innocence playing around, frolicking with their playmates, and when they want something, they look at us with those eyes we can't resist?
      So what happened? Did you forget how life was as a child? Did you forget the small innocent things about life that make it so sweet?
      .... Maybe, life wasn't that great as you were growing up. But shouldn't that be your motivation? Shouldn't you want to make it a better place so that children that are like you were have some place to go.
      It's really sickening how people can literally slaughter those that symbolize the innocence of our world. Children bring creativity into existent and they basically can change a person's life. The fact that one of the persons who did is a 24 year old is disappointing. This is someone who not that much older than me.
       What will happen to the world if no one thinks about this. Is this a sign of innocence diminishing around the world? Because that's what it seems like.

Haters Just Hatin

Many of us support Obama and many supported Romney. What's sad though, is that many of us get into this intense feeling of supporting the candidate we like by developing unusual feelings of strong hatred for someone we don't even know personally. So I ask people to think abou

t this:

Yes, a lot of the times, this is mostly about power and money but ultimately, these men are sacrificing their lives, their privacy, their family's privacy, and so many other things in order to somehow serve their countries. Both Obama and Romney both ran because they feel like they can make a difference in the world. However, they both have very different views. All of us know what it is like to be different and have different views. Its not right that we choose to hate either candidates because they both want to make a difference in the world and sacrifice their lives in doing so. We have to respect that they go this far because not everyone does. Not everyone cares or gives a shit about the world.

Obama won and Romney lost. Turns out that the majority of America wants to see Obama do more in the next four years instead of having someone new like Romney. There's going to be difference made in the world. So lets stop hating and see how they make that difference and as Citizens of the United States of America, support them in making this a better country. 

When there's more than one road

     
           I've switched to blogging about current events but this is one of those moments where I'm going to get a bit personal again. I don't like going into details because I'm not fully sure who reads this.

          What happens where there's more than one road. Well lets start from the beginning. This story begins with Rady as a freshmen in college. The person she was when she first began college was very innocent and religious. She knew who exactly she had chosen to be and she was proud and sincerely committed to living a lifestyle that would please her parents and mentors. But then, like most kids in college, she turned over to the dark side(whatever that means). She met people and saw different parts of life she hadn't exactly experienced before. Rady was a girl that had been through a lot. Most people have difficulties in life they go through but then there are people that go through extreme situations. Rady went through extreme circumstances. And as she was going through these times, she tried her best to use her connection with her culture to give her strength and go through everything but in the end, it didn't go the way she wanted. And so she decided to give herself a break for awhile.
          She's really changed and she's been doing things that wouldn't really be characteristic of her but its her experimenting and living life on the other side.

          However, there are things she found out lately and she knows she needs to take the time and find herself so she's not going to change her decision of exploring different things. But she feels these feelings of guilt that she's rejecting the love some very special people have to offer her. They've offered her shelter and love like she's never really experienced before.

So now what happens there more than one road she can take?

WATCHYU WANT? Huh.

  If you're a regular reader, you know I'm a college student. As a college student, I see many of my friends struggling with their choices of their classes. Sometimes it's not even about their choice in what classes they take but it's actually that they really don't like what they're doing. And this is what I have to say about that:

           WATCHYU WANT BOI? Huh?

 
  This is the thing. College prepares you for the future that you want for yourself. We study different subjects in college as a part of the general education curriculum and then we ultimately choose an area of subject for studying. And if you're going to hate what you're studying. Why you doing it? These things that you study, they're preparing you for a career that hopefully you'll be happy and content with. Yes, it may be quite challenging. I have quite a few friends that are taking different subjects and they're really hard science subjects. They spend hours studying and their social lives seem to cease. But the thing is, they like what they're learning or going into. And that's the motivation. If you're going to choose something you hate, eventually, it'll be too hard.
 
         SO WATCHYU WANNA DO? :P 

It's Our Time

       Most people my age(19) are like me. They tend to not really care about other things in the world. One of those important things are politics and different situations around the world. While I'm at work, I tend to have some time on my hands and I've been getting a bit more interested in world affairs. As we grow up, it's really hitting me that we're the future of this world.
      One thing that really got me is how unrealistic it seems sometimes because all these countries and nations in the Middle East are struggling. Their governments are so unstable and there's so much corruption and violence. For example, Libya is going through quite the rough time. Here's a headline from an online news website:

And then there are all these protests and things going on in Japan and China regarding the few islands that Japan claimed as their territory. 

The point is that all these things are going on around the world. And sometimes it just really surreal. We're living here in the States, enjoying the freedom to vote, to freely express ourselves, to be ourselves, with a type of safety many countries don't have. 

It's time to realize that we're becoming adults and that we can make a difference with our thoughts and opinions. People my age tend to not vote or care about matters like these but they don't realize how blessed we are. We got where we are right now because of our founding fathers and now its time to make a difference in the world. It's our time. 

More than meets the eye

  Just an Intro to Journalism Interview Paper where I turned a personal interview into a story. I feel like theres much work to do and to improve on.


  More than meets the Eye

LF – No doubt, LFC students, like many others, categorize each other based on different activities and crowds they’re affiliated with. It’s the human nature to judge and to be judged. However, it seems that most student have something that ties them to each other. It happens to be something that sets students apart from each other but at the same time tying them to together. This something happens to be culture.

        Donnie Cald, a football player for the college team, explains how culture is an important aspect of his life. Donnie is not an international student but at the same time he expresses the importance of culture. He elaborates, “Culture is something that sets me apart from everyone else but at the same time, it’s something that brings me together with other students because of diversity.”  Mhlon Mabu, an international student from Swaziland, Africa, reveals that culture is also an important aspect of life for him. Ardy Retti and Regi Mill share the same views as Cald and Mabu on culture although they both come from backgrounds of mixed culture.

          All these students live very different lives. Every day, each one of them work and aim toward different goals. While Retti works toward finding different creative outlets and expressing self in different artistic ways, Mill works toward reaching his academic goals and doing his best in developing his physique. In a similar way, Cald works toward being the best student-athlete he can be and Mabu works toward success. And when things get tough for these students, each has their own way of dealing with hard times. For, Mill, running is an escape from reality. Whereas the glory that awaits at the finish line is what keeps Mabuza going. On the other hand, his little brother and sister is what keeps Cald going. In the same way, Retti finds that he can go on during difficult circumstances with the support of his friends.

          No doubt that all these students come from different backgrounds. Cald plays football on the college’s team, Retti djs on the college’s radio broadcast and writes for the college’s literary magazine, Mabu is an international student busy with his studies, and Mill is busy working on his physique and involved in a fraternity. However, there’s more than meets the eye to these men. There’s culture to each one of them however different it might be. And it’s made them different from each other. At the same time, the importance of culture and values bring them together.

         

                                                    

Body and Spirit

 
      I'm in this Intro to Journalism class and I had to interview few people. One of my questions was:

What is something you work towards everyday?

      And one of my friends that I interviewed answered that he aims to do well in school and also reach his highest potential in his physique.

     It's an admirable thing to work towards but it made me think of something I've been taught over and over again in my culture. We are not this body. We're the soul.

So it made me think how much time and effort he spends in working on something that will eventually no longer exist. When we die, this body is left but we still exist and that's because we're not defined by the body but the living spirit that gives life to the body we have, made of earthly elements. The body and spirit are two different things but we simply cannot say that our bodies define us because that would mean we no longer exist when our bodies begin to disintegrate and die. We are eternal beings and we can only be defined by that living spirit within us.

So then why do we put so much time and effort on our body rather than the spirit? Wouldn't it be a complete waste of time to spend so much time on something that is temporary and ignore what is permanent?

The body and the spirit. Its interesting to think about.

Bro-Zoned

       

    Guys have this problem being friend-zoned, right? Well I have a problem being bro-zoned. Lemme tell you about it.
     So I have this problem of bro-zoning myself. I seriously do. This is the thing. I usually meet a guy that really interests me and I really want to be friends with him. But then, I subject myself as a bro to him and then I'm stuck in the bro-zone. It's honestly really annoying. I don't know how to approach boys. I suck at it. And then, when I do approach them, my natural bro-ness just kicks in. It's honestly really annoying but at the same time I guess I don't mind.
    This is what I figure, when the right guy comes along and if there's a guy that likes me truly for who I am, he'll be able to overlook my bro-self. He'll really see me and I know there are guys like that.
    Not only that, I honestly have some of the best friends I've had because of the person I am and also because I make it easier for guys to talk to me. I like who I am...

But it's still annoying being bro-zoned. 

Racism - Why its Logically Illogical

                 This is the dictionary.com definition of racism:
noun

1.

a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among thevarious human races  determine cultural or individualachievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

2.

a policy, system of government, etc., based upon orfostering such a doctrine; discrimination.

3.

hatred or intolerance of another race  or other races.

I'm talking mainly about number 3. Nowadays, it's honestly just impossible to judge people based off different things. People are so different and there's just so much individuality that it's honestly really stupid to assume that because people might share one or two interests or characteristics, that their beliefs are the same. Even people that come from the same ethnicity or religion are all different. While they have the same beliefs, how much they're devoted to their culture or religion varies for each person. It's really honestly, illogical to make the assumption that all people part of a certain ethnicity or religion are all the same. 

Lack of Communication

     

       Last night, I had an amazing conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking about the changes in people we truly thought we knew. It was an interesting conversation and its something that's been occurring to me lately. I've been getting to know people in a way that I didn't know them before.

      My latest situation: I thought I knew someone and had this picture of them in my head but when things changed and all these situations popped up, I saw someone I didn't even know.

       Was it my fault? Maybe there wasn't enough communication and I didn't properly convey my feelings and thoughts to this person. Maybe I should have been more clear about things. Maybe I should have done things differently.

   But at the same time, is all that time and effort even worth it? Do I even matter? I kept hearing different things.

     Another situation: I have a friend who's very special to me. But lately, things have been distance between us because I feel like he needs that. I want him to talk to me when he's ready.

The point, all these types of things happen because there's lack of communication and the fear of being judged. I feel like honesty is the really the way to go in these types of things. People just need to be open about how they feel and clear about things. 

Shit Happens But Fun Never Stops

 


Well, lately, theres been a lot of drama in life and it really affected me. I wasn't doing well but lately, things are changing for me. Personally, I've been more happier this whole week than I've been for the longest time. It made me realize that sometimes, things happen for the best and life is what you make it to be. This week, I tried. This week, I went out and did crazy things I would never do. I've been busy with people and activities. I actually put myself out of my comfort zone and went to play soccer with all these boys from campus. With only two girls, the games were intense. There were injuries and we were all serious but I had SO MUCH fun! I ended up sleeping at 5:30am and it was such a fun night yesterday :P Not only that, I've met new people and made new friends. I've begun to work out and I'm happy with my life.

I'm completely happy with my life and I'm loving the way I feel since it feels like I'm actually headed where I want to be in the future.... Shit happens but the Fun Never Stops! :D

Forgiveness and Honesty - Me, Him, and Her

   

   There was a lot of drama that's occurred. And this is what I want to say about what happened hoping that the two people involved in this will read this and understand what happened and why forgiveness and honesty is the best way to deal with this.

      Me, him, and her There were two people involved and my best friend(Her)<<who i consider my sister>> is not going to talk to someone I used to consider a close friend of mine(Him).

    First, whatever happened occurred because of chain events, not because I meant to blackmail or ruin the friendships of those two people. It honestly just happened. But now that these things happened, I'm going to constantly suffer wishing that I'd never have met Him and had the fun memories with him if it means that He lost Her friendship. My happiness is not worth it at the cost of His friendship with Her.  So this is my attempt to express whats in my heart. I hope Her will understand that Him is someone worth keeping in Her life because if there's anything I know about Him, it's that he'll do anything for her happiness. He just wants to see that beautiful smile on her face and that her friendship is important to Him above anything.

   Friendship is something beautiful, friendship is love. And the real truth is, friendship is so rare. We may have people we share stories and have fun with but friends are different. Real friends are different. It's not just about sharing stories but its about sharing lives, sharing happiness, sharing feelings. We find that it's hard to find people that will share all that with us because that's a lot of sharing. Sharing is caring. haha

   However, sometimes, we're afraid of being judged. We feel that we will be judged and that our friends won't understand. And it's right to be afraid because it does happen. I have friends that I've literally known my whole life but they don't know a part of me and they never will. Why? Because people have the tendency to judge. But that's part of being human. We judge and we are judged.

What's sad is when we let these things between friendships. Its something I strongly disagree with. It's fine to have our own beliefs but they shouldn't break friendships.

In the end, when things get tangled and messed up, it's only the best to be honest and place faith that maybe, JUST maybe, they'll forgive and we'll move on. Sometimes, there's a certain point we get to where we should know that honesty is the only way.

When you have a friend that's given you so much time and care, don't let it go. I let it go as a sacrifice. Not out of anger and despise. As a friend, I'll always have and will love Him. But I'm not sure if he ever really knew me and if I ever really knew him. Yes, I did have feelings for him. But not anymore. Things are over.

My only concern is regarding Him and Her. I wouldn't mind if all the blame goes on me. I just want them to be friends. I just want them to be how they were because He could keep her happy and help her in ways I never can.

I Just Miss My Friends

                 

     So today I was talking to a friend of mine about flirting and to give her examples, I was going through a conversations I had with a friend of mine in the past. While I was going through those conversations, I realized that I miss my friend and its not just him. I miss some of my best friends that I feel like I've lost.

  Sometimes, feelings ruin friendship and its the worst thing ever. The truth is, I've learnt from experiences in these past two years that friends should just stay as friends.

  The times and memories that you have as friends are sometimes just ridiculous. It's sort of funny. But all good things in this world come to an end at some point. I guess I just miss my friends. Both of them.