When there's more than one road

     
           I've switched to blogging about current events but this is one of those moments where I'm going to get a bit personal again. I don't like going into details because I'm not fully sure who reads this.

          What happens where there's more than one road. Well lets start from the beginning. This story begins with Rady as a freshmen in college. The person she was when she first began college was very innocent and religious. She knew who exactly she had chosen to be and she was proud and sincerely committed to living a lifestyle that would please her parents and mentors. But then, like most kids in college, she turned over to the dark side(whatever that means). She met people and saw different parts of life she hadn't exactly experienced before. Rady was a girl that had been through a lot. Most people have difficulties in life they go through but then there are people that go through extreme situations. Rady went through extreme circumstances. And as she was going through these times, she tried her best to use her connection with her culture to give her strength and go through everything but in the end, it didn't go the way she wanted. And so she decided to give herself a break for awhile.
          She's really changed and she's been doing things that wouldn't really be characteristic of her but its her experimenting and living life on the other side.

          However, there are things she found out lately and she knows she needs to take the time and find herself so she's not going to change her decision of exploring different things. But she feels these feelings of guilt that she's rejecting the love some very special people have to offer her. They've offered her shelter and love like she's never really experienced before.

So now what happens there more than one road she can take?

WATCHYU WANT? Huh.

  If you're a regular reader, you know I'm a college student. As a college student, I see many of my friends struggling with their choices of their classes. Sometimes it's not even about their choice in what classes they take but it's actually that they really don't like what they're doing. And this is what I have to say about that:

           WATCHYU WANT BOI? Huh?

 
  This is the thing. College prepares you for the future that you want for yourself. We study different subjects in college as a part of the general education curriculum and then we ultimately choose an area of subject for studying. And if you're going to hate what you're studying. Why you doing it? These things that you study, they're preparing you for a career that hopefully you'll be happy and content with. Yes, it may be quite challenging. I have quite a few friends that are taking different subjects and they're really hard science subjects. They spend hours studying and their social lives seem to cease. But the thing is, they like what they're learning or going into. And that's the motivation. If you're going to choose something you hate, eventually, it'll be too hard.
 
         SO WATCHYU WANNA DO? :P 

It's Our Time

       Most people my age(19) are like me. They tend to not really care about other things in the world. One of those important things are politics and different situations around the world. While I'm at work, I tend to have some time on my hands and I've been getting a bit more interested in world affairs. As we grow up, it's really hitting me that we're the future of this world.
      One thing that really got me is how unrealistic it seems sometimes because all these countries and nations in the Middle East are struggling. Their governments are so unstable and there's so much corruption and violence. For example, Libya is going through quite the rough time. Here's a headline from an online news website:

And then there are all these protests and things going on in Japan and China regarding the few islands that Japan claimed as their territory. 

The point is that all these things are going on around the world. And sometimes it just really surreal. We're living here in the States, enjoying the freedom to vote, to freely express ourselves, to be ourselves, with a type of safety many countries don't have. 

It's time to realize that we're becoming adults and that we can make a difference with our thoughts and opinions. People my age tend to not vote or care about matters like these but they don't realize how blessed we are. We got where we are right now because of our founding fathers and now its time to make a difference in the world. It's our time. 

More than meets the eye

  Just an Intro to Journalism Interview Paper where I turned a personal interview into a story. I feel like theres much work to do and to improve on.


  More than meets the Eye

LF – No doubt, LFC students, like many others, categorize each other based on different activities and crowds they’re affiliated with. It’s the human nature to judge and to be judged. However, it seems that most student have something that ties them to each other. It happens to be something that sets students apart from each other but at the same time tying them to together. This something happens to be culture.

        Donnie Cald, a football player for the college team, explains how culture is an important aspect of his life. Donnie is not an international student but at the same time he expresses the importance of culture. He elaborates, “Culture is something that sets me apart from everyone else but at the same time, it’s something that brings me together with other students because of diversity.”  Mhlon Mabu, an international student from Swaziland, Africa, reveals that culture is also an important aspect of life for him. Ardy Retti and Regi Mill share the same views as Cald and Mabu on culture although they both come from backgrounds of mixed culture.

          All these students live very different lives. Every day, each one of them work and aim toward different goals. While Retti works toward finding different creative outlets and expressing self in different artistic ways, Mill works toward reaching his academic goals and doing his best in developing his physique. In a similar way, Cald works toward being the best student-athlete he can be and Mabu works toward success. And when things get tough for these students, each has their own way of dealing with hard times. For, Mill, running is an escape from reality. Whereas the glory that awaits at the finish line is what keeps Mabuza going. On the other hand, his little brother and sister is what keeps Cald going. In the same way, Retti finds that he can go on during difficult circumstances with the support of his friends.

          No doubt that all these students come from different backgrounds. Cald plays football on the college’s team, Retti djs on the college’s radio broadcast and writes for the college’s literary magazine, Mabu is an international student busy with his studies, and Mill is busy working on his physique and involved in a fraternity. However, there’s more than meets the eye to these men. There’s culture to each one of them however different it might be. And it’s made them different from each other. At the same time, the importance of culture and values bring them together.

         

                                                    

Body and Spirit

 
      I'm in this Intro to Journalism class and I had to interview few people. One of my questions was:

What is something you work towards everyday?

      And one of my friends that I interviewed answered that he aims to do well in school and also reach his highest potential in his physique.

     It's an admirable thing to work towards but it made me think of something I've been taught over and over again in my culture. We are not this body. We're the soul.

So it made me think how much time and effort he spends in working on something that will eventually no longer exist. When we die, this body is left but we still exist and that's because we're not defined by the body but the living spirit that gives life to the body we have, made of earthly elements. The body and spirit are two different things but we simply cannot say that our bodies define us because that would mean we no longer exist when our bodies begin to disintegrate and die. We are eternal beings and we can only be defined by that living spirit within us.

So then why do we put so much time and effort on our body rather than the spirit? Wouldn't it be a complete waste of time to spend so much time on something that is temporary and ignore what is permanent?

The body and the spirit. Its interesting to think about.

Bro-Zoned

       

    Guys have this problem being friend-zoned, right? Well I have a problem being bro-zoned. Lemme tell you about it.
     So I have this problem of bro-zoning myself. I seriously do. This is the thing. I usually meet a guy that really interests me and I really want to be friends with him. But then, I subject myself as a bro to him and then I'm stuck in the bro-zone. It's honestly really annoying. I don't know how to approach boys. I suck at it. And then, when I do approach them, my natural bro-ness just kicks in. It's honestly really annoying but at the same time I guess I don't mind.
    This is what I figure, when the right guy comes along and if there's a guy that likes me truly for who I am, he'll be able to overlook my bro-self. He'll really see me and I know there are guys like that.
    Not only that, I honestly have some of the best friends I've had because of the person I am and also because I make it easier for guys to talk to me. I like who I am...

But it's still annoying being bro-zoned. 

Racism - Why its Logically Illogical

                 This is the dictionary.com definition of racism:
noun

1.

a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among thevarious human races  determine cultural or individualachievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

2.

a policy, system of government, etc., based upon orfostering such a doctrine; discrimination.

3.

hatred or intolerance of another race  or other races.

I'm talking mainly about number 3. Nowadays, it's honestly just impossible to judge people based off different things. People are so different and there's just so much individuality that it's honestly really stupid to assume that because people might share one or two interests or characteristics, that their beliefs are the same. Even people that come from the same ethnicity or religion are all different. While they have the same beliefs, how much they're devoted to their culture or religion varies for each person. It's really honestly, illogical to make the assumption that all people part of a certain ethnicity or religion are all the same. 

Lack of Communication

     

       Last night, I had an amazing conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking about the changes in people we truly thought we knew. It was an interesting conversation and its something that's been occurring to me lately. I've been getting to know people in a way that I didn't know them before.

      My latest situation: I thought I knew someone and had this picture of them in my head but when things changed and all these situations popped up, I saw someone I didn't even know.

       Was it my fault? Maybe there wasn't enough communication and I didn't properly convey my feelings and thoughts to this person. Maybe I should have been more clear about things. Maybe I should have done things differently.

   But at the same time, is all that time and effort even worth it? Do I even matter? I kept hearing different things.

     Another situation: I have a friend who's very special to me. But lately, things have been distance between us because I feel like he needs that. I want him to talk to me when he's ready.

The point, all these types of things happen because there's lack of communication and the fear of being judged. I feel like honesty is the really the way to go in these types of things. People just need to be open about how they feel and clear about things. 

Shit Happens But Fun Never Stops

 


Well, lately, theres been a lot of drama in life and it really affected me. I wasn't doing well but lately, things are changing for me. Personally, I've been more happier this whole week than I've been for the longest time. It made me realize that sometimes, things happen for the best and life is what you make it to be. This week, I tried. This week, I went out and did crazy things I would never do. I've been busy with people and activities. I actually put myself out of my comfort zone and went to play soccer with all these boys from campus. With only two girls, the games were intense. There were injuries and we were all serious but I had SO MUCH fun! I ended up sleeping at 5:30am and it was such a fun night yesterday :P Not only that, I've met new people and made new friends. I've begun to work out and I'm happy with my life.

I'm completely happy with my life and I'm loving the way I feel since it feels like I'm actually headed where I want to be in the future.... Shit happens but the Fun Never Stops! :D

Forgiveness and Honesty - Me, Him, and Her

   

   There was a lot of drama that's occurred. And this is what I want to say about what happened hoping that the two people involved in this will read this and understand what happened and why forgiveness and honesty is the best way to deal with this.

      Me, him, and her There were two people involved and my best friend(Her)<<who i consider my sister>> is not going to talk to someone I used to consider a close friend of mine(Him).

    First, whatever happened occurred because of chain events, not because I meant to blackmail or ruin the friendships of those two people. It honestly just happened. But now that these things happened, I'm going to constantly suffer wishing that I'd never have met Him and had the fun memories with him if it means that He lost Her friendship. My happiness is not worth it at the cost of His friendship with Her.  So this is my attempt to express whats in my heart. I hope Her will understand that Him is someone worth keeping in Her life because if there's anything I know about Him, it's that he'll do anything for her happiness. He just wants to see that beautiful smile on her face and that her friendship is important to Him above anything.

   Friendship is something beautiful, friendship is love. And the real truth is, friendship is so rare. We may have people we share stories and have fun with but friends are different. Real friends are different. It's not just about sharing stories but its about sharing lives, sharing happiness, sharing feelings. We find that it's hard to find people that will share all that with us because that's a lot of sharing. Sharing is caring. haha

   However, sometimes, we're afraid of being judged. We feel that we will be judged and that our friends won't understand. And it's right to be afraid because it does happen. I have friends that I've literally known my whole life but they don't know a part of me and they never will. Why? Because people have the tendency to judge. But that's part of being human. We judge and we are judged.

What's sad is when we let these things between friendships. Its something I strongly disagree with. It's fine to have our own beliefs but they shouldn't break friendships.

In the end, when things get tangled and messed up, it's only the best to be honest and place faith that maybe, JUST maybe, they'll forgive and we'll move on. Sometimes, there's a certain point we get to where we should know that honesty is the only way.

When you have a friend that's given you so much time and care, don't let it go. I let it go as a sacrifice. Not out of anger and despise. As a friend, I'll always have and will love Him. But I'm not sure if he ever really knew me and if I ever really knew him. Yes, I did have feelings for him. But not anymore. Things are over.

My only concern is regarding Him and Her. I wouldn't mind if all the blame goes on me. I just want them to be friends. I just want them to be how they were because He could keep her happy and help her in ways I never can.

I Just Miss My Friends

                 

     So today I was talking to a friend of mine about flirting and to give her examples, I was going through a conversations I had with a friend of mine in the past. While I was going through those conversations, I realized that I miss my friend and its not just him. I miss some of my best friends that I feel like I've lost.

  Sometimes, feelings ruin friendship and its the worst thing ever. The truth is, I've learnt from experiences in these past two years that friends should just stay as friends.

  The times and memories that you have as friends are sometimes just ridiculous. It's sort of funny. But all good things in this world come to an end at some point. I guess I just miss my friends. Both of them. 

One of those stupid days

    Sometimes it's one of those days. It's one of those days where you seem to be doing really stupid stuff and it's just really hilarious. For example, I accidentally wrote a paper on the Illiad when I was supposed to write it on the Odyssey. It was just really funny. And then, to top it off, I started work at a new place. One of my old professor was introducing himself to me since I'm the new employee at the office. He didn't realize that I was a student from the previous semester. I told him that he that I knew him because he had taught me and then I reminded him of how I had actually gotten in trouble with him. I'm not sure that was really smart but it was pretty stupid of me. But you know, it's just one of those stupid days for me. But then again, everyone has one of those :P 

Confused?

   

     It's that feeling that a lot of us go through when all these things hit you all at once. Sometimes you should feel something but you don't know just because you're in shock. And sometimes you don't even feel the right feelings for whatever situation you're in.

Happy: This happened to me this summer. I learned about the engagement of my cousin and good friend. I was SHOCKED! It was good news but instead of being happy, I was more upset that I didn't hear about this from him and he didn't tell me. haha I was not happy when thats how it should have been. 

Sad: So all this random boy drama is going on. The fact that I was considering this guy seriously and not as some fling means he meant a lot to me. But with the way things ended and after everything happened, instead of feeling sad and down about it. I've been pretty cheerful and alright. Inside me, there's this storm of confusion and madness I guess. But I'm not sad lol.

Angry: When I get angry, I sorta get sad? I feel sad that I even have to feel angry about that certain issue. I'm not sure. It's a weird way of feeling things. But I feel that way. 

AND THEN I'M JUST CRAZY. Yea there's no explanation for my craziness and sometimes I'm just crazy and hyper cuz thats how it be. :P

Yes I Lie, I'm Sorry?

  Hey world! :D So lately the number of viewers of my blog has been increasing and that makes me SUPER DUPER HAPPY!!! I hope that the numbers keep increasing. It's not that I want my name known around the world but I want my thoughts to be shared. So thank you all for taking time to read this whenever you do :P 

    Anyways, yes I lie. Even to my friends and people I honestly love to death. But sometimes when you grow up lying, living lie, living double lives cause you're afraid of being accepted how you are, it starts happening. You just start lying.
    But it's not like I lie and I don't regret it and shit but sometimes I can't help it. I've been learning lately that this all is not an excuse for me to lie. I feel like I want to become a better person. I want to be the best person I can be because I know I can.

    Lying is bad. But the truth we all do it. And it's inevitable because life is not simple. Life has so many  things we can't avoid and things get complicated. And so, in order to avoid problems, we lie. It's not the best solution but we try. And we go through things everyday. We learn new things but we keep trying. We try to be better than what we are because we know what we're capable of. We make mistakes but that's what being human is about.

   Yes I lie. But I'm not a bad person because I do.

Mood Swings

 



  I'm pretty sure everyone these days has mood swings just cause I'm pretty sure about this. It's one of those things that just happen. Or maybe it's just me being weird. But let me tell you about these mood swings.

   Last night, I went to sleep feeling content, happy, hyper, and fun. I had been listening to music and dancing my ass off.
  I woke up this morning feeling hopeful and strong. I felt that I could do anything and that I could conquer the world.
  By now, I feel lost and hopeless and tired of everything. I'm just tired.

  I feel like mood swings are very tiring. One minute its happy and next its mad. And so the cycle keeps going. I feel like there's a psychological answer as to why things can be this way. I've been trying to analyze mood swings and this is the explanation I came up with.

Basically, what causes mood swings is that things have the ability to very easily change your feelings and attitude about life. Which means that you're affected very easily>> If you're very easily affected, that means that there's a lack of inner strength. lack of inner strength means that there is a lack of confidence. Which means that I have a problem with this. I think. But in a way, I don't think I have self confidence problems. Maybe my problem is that I rely on others too much.

Anyways, this mood swings problem is something that would be interesting to study in psychology. 

Over Analyzation is a bitch

 
     So you know that feeling when you think too much on matters. Yea.... sometimes it creates havoc and chaos in life. ESPECIALLY if it has to do with boys. Yes ladies, you know exactly what I'm talking about!

    If anything, I know that the number thing that females over analyze has to do with guys. I know that I do this constantly. I promise you that lately, my head's always asking me why I haven't been called or texted yet. Or does he or does he not like me. I feel like he's being more distant. I feel like I'm a bother. I feel like I shouldn't talk to him... BLAH BLAH BLAH

    I'm being a hypocrite when I say this, but maybe its time to turn this around, WOMEN! You know what, I think it's alright that we're more honest with our feelings. And just tell the man what you think. They'll let us know if we're right or wrong. It isn't that difficult being honest. My dear viewers, you may then ask, why can't I be honest with my special friend? Well that's because there's a certain circumstance I'm in. And I guess I just don't want to lose him yet. I know there's an end for whatever we have, sooner or later. But I rather that it be later and I just want to enjoy my time as his friend while it lasts.

   ANYWAYS. HONESTLY! I feel like we all do this too much and it's honestly time to be more open about our thoughts. Maybe we may chase them away. But if they're chased away that easily, they aren't worth our time and effort. And who knows, maybe it'll be refreshing for them to know whats on your mind.

But seriously, over analyzing is a bitch. 

War- Sometimes Good or Bad doesn't exist

  
  

    I'm currently taking an english course this semester in college and we've been studying and discussing the Illiad this semester which is my inspiration for this post.
    While studying the Illiad, we learned of two main characters, Hector and Achilles. As a reader, I tend to look for the right and the wrong. Both these characters were the strongest of their side and when you get into how Homer portrays them, the reader realizes that it's very hard to distinguish between the good and the bad side. In a section of the Illiad, the reader sees a side of Hector that is much different from the ruthless warrior they know. This Hector is a man of family and the way he loves and cherishes his son is actually quite beautiful and touching. At the same time, Achilles is also a character of strong emotions and also quite heroic.
    In this way, it's hard to distinguish who the real antogonist is. I feel like this applies to modern warfare too. Both sides of the war usually have a valid reason to fight. In addition to that, both sides have soldiers that have their own families that they have and fight to protect.
    From this, I think I've learnt, that many times the war is not about the wrong or the right. Sometimes its about the reason theres the fight. 

Child Birth

       Well those who know me know that I don't really like to think ahead. I don't like thinking about stuff like marriage and family and blah because I'm not personally at a place where I can even think about a future family. Obviously, I hope to have a family one day but it's definitely something I don't think about at this point.
       However, today has been a bit different. I watched my first ever child birth video and we've been going into child birth in more detail and its the most weird feeling to learn about this. I've been feeling all these mixed emotions about child birth.
       To all the men out there, yes I'm talking about child birth in my blog as weird as that sounds. So basically everything I've been feeling regarding child birth.

1. Scared as fuck: That's gonna hurt like that anything
2. Amazed: There's gonna be a baby growing inside me!?!?! WHAT?!
3. Confused: How in the world can something so big grow inside me?!?
4. Frustrated: I'm so fucked up. I can't be a mother!
5. Excited: Oh my gosh, there's gonna be a human being that'll come from me!
6. Cautious: I should probably start trying to be more healthy
7. Intrigued: Hm, I'm gonna meet someone I trust enough to make a baby with?


   I feel like this list is not at all enough to describe how I feel right now. It's so weird. Child birth... It's a subject I'm going to put aside for right now but it's definitely shaken me to the core today.

Why I haven't been blogging

     

        So lately, I haven't been blogging as much anymore. I apologize but it's really annoying to during the evening time. I am now living on campus so it's been much different now. I don't have a curfew anymore. I can go out whenever I want and basically, I got freedom. But I wonder how long that will go on. Since I'm limited on my money I don't know if I'll last this year on campus. I may have to move back home but that will be a pain in the ass. It really will be. But we all got to do what we have to do. I pray to God that I can save up enough money soon to pay for things I need.

         So the reason that I haven't been blogging is because my schedule is all messed up and different now. It's really annoying. Its awesome that I have class only till noon but after that, I'm basically doing nothing. And its nice I get time to myself but at the same time, I waste a lot of that time. I need to start working out and doing something more productive. Its time to get somewhere in life. And I feel like I won't get there if I don't start blogging. It sucks too that my readers have decreased. I'm coming back folks :D