Dramatics- Runs in the Family

                                   


 Lately, I've had this red eye problem with my right eye. Its been that way for couple of weeks. So finally, my mom notices and we went to the doctor's. In the process, we were running late and my brother who had his dentist's appointment had to get it cancelled. He becomes all dramatic and mad about it. Which is what inspired me to share with the world on how my family is really dramatic.

Brother: He's basically crazy and weird. I love him to death cause we have sooo much fun together. But he's also paranoid about things and he gets scared about the stupidest things. He gets very intense about dressing right. Honestly, this 17 year old boy, asks me what he should wear everytime we're going out or something.. And then when he gets mad, he doesnt talk to anyone. He gets really pissed and he just does his own thing silently and gives everyone around him the cold shoulder which just gets annoying at times.

Father: He's basically the king of dramatics. I swear, this man takes everything LITERALLY. And he's just so insecure and always thinks negatively about every single thing. And then he has this thing where he thinks lame things are like the funniest thing in the world. Of course that's when he has to tell the ALL of his friends about the funny joke. And he falls for anything that seems miraculous and unbelievable. He honestly blindly believes things that make no sense.

Mother: This woman needs everyone in the house to ALWAYS be cleaning and ALWAYS be doing something. And she gives me and brother like no privacy. She always has to know each and everything. And  disorganization basically brings chaos into our house like no other.

Me: I take each and every little thing in my life and seriously like magnify it. It becomes big and that's probably very stupid of me but that's how I am. Not just that, when I'm with my friends, I love being dramatic. Not dramatic in a sense where everything turns bitchy and its all about 'he said, she said' More like be fun and cray :P

but thats my dramatic family. LOL

The Good ol' days

       Today, I visited this camp that I usually volunteer at. I'm like the music teacher/children's recess time coordinator/other stuff. While I was with the kids, I realized how much life changes as you grow up and how there's certain things that you'll always miss. There's this innocence that kids have while they grow up and that innocence is basically bliss. We're just so free and nothing really matters. Life is all about fun and games. It's nice to feel that way. It's amazing to feel so carefree and I guess I miss those old days. Being a kid. 

So what changes? Where's that innocence go? 

But at the same time, with age comes responsibilities and things that make us happy. I guess in that way, life is great, letting us experience different things.

Texting while you're with someone else

             You know when you're with you're friends and you all decide to hang out. And then, when you're hanging out, instead of actually talking to each other, everyone is texting someone else and you're just like, 'WTF?!' Its annoying how people do that nowadays. I'll admit I do too. But when I do it, it's sorta the, 'OMG! HE TEXTED ME!!! AHHHHHH!!!'  type of texting so its fun for all of us. Its frustrating that people can't properly pay attention to the person they're actually talking to. I guess it can be different when people you're with friends that you're always hanging out with But still, at some point, it gets really annoying... oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A BESTIE OF MINE. SONA!!!

All I Want Is Me

        I want to be strong. I want to be independent. I want to not rely on anyone. But none of this is really possible. Everyone needs someone. I've begun realizing that what culture teaches me about women may actually be strong.
        I didn't believe this for the longest time because I never opened up. When you keep yourself closed and  don't really let people close to you, Me, Myself, and I is enough. But once you start opening that heart of yours, its really over.
        My culture says, that women always need a man in their lives to take care of them. First, women begin as little girls that rely on their fathers. Eventually they grow and they have their lover/husband to rely on. And if they're unfortunate and lose their significant, they have their children/son to rely on.
        I hated to believe this and I still do. It's unfair that women should seem so weak to have to rely on men for things. But it turns out that I look for someone to rely on to this day. I have friends but its not enough because I don't have a father I can rely on. Because of that, there's this emptiness that I constantly feel and its depressing.
       All I want is me but it ain't working out. The truth is, me myself and I, its not enough.
       

This is what happens when you're all blogged out

I've been writing all these random things in life that i think about. And there are more things I'd like to write about but this week, im just so outta energy. Its a bit hard to take time, think, and write something really meaningful. Its not writers block but its me being lazy and writing about it. Anyways, there's not going to be anything good that comes outta this blog(i think) until the end of this week. So those who read this. 

I'M SORRY OKAY?!?!

and I feel sad. I wish I could run to the beach and just let it outtttttttt like i would have, back at the forest. 

               

Birthday :D

So it was my birthday yesterday and it was fun. One of the highlights of my birthday was basically the drive back to my house from my friend's house. Me and my friends are chilling and we're scaring all the decent looking guys on the road while randomly staring at them and stuff. So we're at a stoplight and there's this really hot guy and his friend driving. I look at him and see and he sees me looking and waves. And then me and my friends start laughing our asses off cuz these guys are hilarious. One of the guys even has a black eye. It was the best thing ever. Haha 

People are trying to kill... In my dreams

     So people who know me personally know I'm being treated for scoliosis and have severe back pain and blah. Anyways, I haven't been sleeping well. And last night I had one of those dreams where there's someone who wants to kill you. So here's how the story goes.

       Its the beautiful summer. So me and two of my roommates are out on vacation. We're staying at log house, god knows where. All of a sudden, there are all these cops are chasing this car that has two men carrying guns. I realize what's happening so I quickly rush inside the house and I'm going to lock the back door. But as I'm doing this, one of the gun men starts shooting through the window. One of my friends get hit on the shoulder and the other fainted. There happens to be another man with us and I see him get shot in the chest about 5 times.
 
At this point, I wake up. I go back to sleep and this is what I dream of next.

       I'm at the same lodge with my parents. This time the same gunman appears after realizing he never killed me. He didn't have a gun this time but he set the forest area around our house to fire. Again I realize his purpose and quickly rush my family out of the forest. The gunman ends up burning in the house. Then somehow i end up at a family wedding without proper clothes to wear.

   This is the story of my Dream Life... I wonder what's wrong with me.




ps... are there really people from Russia and Germany reading this cuz it says there are and I think thats sooo cool. Comment or something to let me know!! :P

PMS - Every male's Nightmare

 We all know that the #1 reason why the world can't be ruled by women is that we'd probably have a world war every month when PMS occurs. So guys always wonder why its always as crazy as PMS tends to be. I mean yeah, there's physical changes in the body occurring that cause mood swings but things get SUPER crazy. Well this is the thing, girls are already crazy. Its true. We've act all mature but unseen sides come out when we get drunk(guys you prolly know this), hang out with our girls, and have slumber parties(seriously, try secretly sneaking to one or vid taping. as long as you don't get arrested, its all good :P). Anyways, we're already crazy and then we go this PMS shit. Basically, it creates emotions in us that don't make sense and the thing is, those emotions are gonna come out. And so we get mad at the stupidest things, get dramatic about nothing, start laughing our asses off at what may be an everyday small gesture. Why? We have no fucking clue. But hey it happens. And that's when men need to fear us. They really should. I sometimes fear myself. I already sprout nonsense like anything. Plus I have these random mood swings. And then when PMS hits, its full blown attack on the people around me. I feel sorry for them. But hey, they gotta tolerate. Its just one of those things in life.

Judgmental Idiots

       All my life, religion has been the center of my life. I've grown in a religious community and I've made friends I know I'll always be friends with no matter what. But recently my life has changed a bit. I've been experimenting and trying to find myself. Its sorta a phase all teenagers hit. Anyways I have all these friends that I've known for like the longest time. These are basically people I've known the longest in my life. I guess what makes me sad is, now that I've changed so much, I'm beginning to be judged. We all judge and are judged every single day but when its by the people you love and have been there all your life, its a bit sad.

Its Just Hard to Talk to you

       Friends are people you can trust yourself to be comfortable with and be able to talk to no matter what. But with you, its different. I want to talk to you. Hear your voice, hear you laugh but I hold myself back because all that can happen when I hope is a letdown do bad, i'll just be more sad. 

You Vs. You

People usually tend to pursue what they desire or different goals they might have. Sometimes people who have guts or are stupid enough to, keep going on even though everyone may be against them. Actually I happen to be experiencing. But now, half way through, I realized that there's a lot I want in life and there are many choices I have in life as to what I choose to pursue. But each one of these choices are choices that will turn my life around. And it's up to me to choose the path in which I won't regret as much. In each choice presented to me, there are both attractive, tempting, and also ugly things. And the thing is all these things that you want to do happen to suit you and may possibly make you happy. But if you're not happy with the way things go? What if things are not as they had seemed and its too late to change ways? Its this battle that you keep having with yourself. It's so confusing. And that's way it seems as if having someone tell you what to do would be easier but that's really just pathetic. When you have others telling you what to do, you don't grow up and learn to make your own choices in life.

This battle: you vs. you. Its important to have it. Cause when you get past that battle, you have reassurance that you've made this choice on yourself and that in the end, there's no one to blame for any regrets you might have because you're the one who took the road you're on. 

Self Value

One of the most important things that defines a person is their idea of self value. There's a saying that says that you cannot give what you do not have. If there is no value for the self then how can there ever be value for others, for relationships, for anything at all?
   If there is no self value, we basically become slaves to how the society should like to form us.

Life at a Larger POV

        Everyone has their own issues. They really do. If people were able to live perfectly happy lives in this world, then this world could be considered as heaven. I'm not sure what other people believe, but if this is heaven, I'd be very sad. 
       So everyone has their own problems and its sorta unavoidable that they center their lives around those problems. But that's where life gets really tiring. Honestly, people need to learn to see the bigger picture. Some people are just so obsessed with living in their own small world. 
        Yes, life is unfair and sad and boo hoo but honestly, things could be so much worse. And not just that, there are bigger problems out there in the world. I feel like if people in this world cared more about things around them  than just themselves, this world could be a much better world. 
         For example, there's dirty politics and corrupt leaders out there. One I've recently heard of is the King of Swaziland(country in Africa)

       My friend who happens to be from there, was telling me about the King of Swaziland and how he's misusing his power and not paying the civil servants. They're not getting paid enough and apparently it has nothing to do with the problems with the Swazi economy. It has to do more with the corruption there and how the king doesn't want to give money and keep it for himself. So there's all this protesting going on and some people have even been hurt. Now this is the story that I've heard from someone actually living there and there are two sides to each story but from what I've heard, the protesters will be considered weak human beings incapable of standing up for themselves if they don't protest. At least in my point of view. 

        Now think about how things could be different if people cared for things around them and not just themselves. The councils and advisers of the king could most likely talk the king into doing the right thing because kings need to support of the noblemen in order to stay in power. And honestly he shouldn't even be the king if he's going to be a greedy arse. 

        Basically, so many things could be avoided if people cared more about the things around them. This world has a population of about 7.02 billion and counting. Its not just about one person. 

   

Sing from the Soul

For the first time after a long time, I felt like I was receiving some really good advice from my dad. 

   The other day, I was at a small gathering. I was asked to lead in the singing of our prayers and so I did. I had fun because(as most people know) I love singing. But it wasn't like the usual and it just so happens that my dad noticed. That night he told me. "You sang well today and everyone loved it. But there was something missing. You weren't putting your soul into this. You should be singing with gratitude and delight that the Lord has given you this gift. Your singing, I wasn't from your soul" 
   
 It really struck my heart and it made want to sing with my soul every time I sing. 
   
 For me, singing is more important than seeing and it's as important as breathing. I sing when I'm happy, sad, angry, or anything else I'm feeling. Many people don't find this kind of a love in their lives and I'm very fortunate to have found mine. I sing even when I have sore throat or even when I'm in pain! 
  If I take this love for granted, it won't be a love anymore. That's just how it works and I'm glad my dad helped me learn that. 

God's Beautiful Gift

One of God's greatest gift is the beautiful nature that we're fortunate to have. I honestly feel like there's nothing like sitting in front of the calm waters and watch the waves splash towards you. The wind it blows against your face but the waves they keep coming towards you. It reminds me of life. How there might be hardships and tough times that the wind pushes your way but at the same time, your friends and family are pushed towards you. Those relationships become closer and stronger. Its really beautiful actually. These are small things but they put me to peace and i just love that feeling of being relaxed. Like everything is good and will be alright.

Also, if God can create something beautiful. How beautiful his creativity and even he must be, right?

Broken Heart Breaks Again

   My dad showed this to me the other day. It made me think a lot. A daughter's first love is her dad and that's totally true. But that first love crushed my self confidence and will to live for myself. It basically broke me. Then my godfather replaced that first love and soon he left. I was alone again, broken hearted. Once again, another fatherly figure came into my life and then he left too. Even after hurting so much, I let myself once again fall in love. And I'm sure y'all can guess what the result was. Another heart break. It seems to me that my life has been full of broken hearts. What makes me surprises me after all this is that I've still given my heart to others. 

  If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that I've definitely given my heart to my friends. My friends have done things that have hurt me and I've done hurtful things but at the same time, they're there. They're everything to me. They've kept me alive and able to live. 

  

 As for falling in love, that'll take a long time. I don't think I'm ready to risk my already broken heart. But I'll play games with love :P 

I Just Miss You

Sometimes its impossible to admit things to yourself and to others. Especially when your pride is involved. Not just that, sometimes its hard to just admit that you miss and love someone. I miss someone right now. And its hard to figure out why I miss them. It makes me wonder, what exactly causes a person to miss someone or to constantly think about them. It can't be love because I'm pretty sure it isn't love. Or is it?

Only time will tell...

Identification

My issue is that I'm having an identity crisis. I don't know who I am or what type of person I am. Many people know the angelic side of me, many know other different sides. The truth I just don't know who I am. Am I religious? Am I really nice or mean? I don't know. I have like bazillions of questions in my head. I wonder sometimes, 'how the fuck do you decide who the hell you are?' Do you randomly pick outta Dr. Seuss's hat that you're gonna be prep, jock, emo, goth, ghetto, nerd, etc? Its just that I find that I sorta fit in all these categories. I'm a female but I like to think I'm male. I'm a clutz but I like to think I'm active and can play sports to save my life. I can be pretty goth and emo when I'm depressed. Very few people know how dark I can really be. I'm a nerd because I loveeee reading and stuff but I also love movies. I hate mushy stuff but I'm addicted to RomComs. I have a dirty mind but at the same time I'm very innocent. I hate studying but I can be really intelligent when it comes to certain things.

I don't know. I feel like the this is issue of every teenager. How the hell do we identify ourselves?

Pride Vs. Friendship

This question has been boggling me the whole day. Seriously. I can't stop thinking about a certain bet I've made with a certain friend in my life. I don't really understand why we made this bet. I was hoping that this person would think that the bet is stupid when I brought it up and would tell me that there's no way they plan on keeping this challenge. It made me realize that this person has a lot of pride. It makes me wonder, does he want us to slowly grow apart? And I want to break this bet but first I want to see if this person dares to put this bet first instead of wishing me a happy birthday. And I realize, I may also be acting like this person being too proud to lose the bet. But it makes me wonder if this friendship is even worth it. After falling in love with the wrong person this year and experiencing a friendship where I've been treated like crap, I'm not sure I want a friendship where I may get hurt. Because when people leave, it hurts. It really leaves a mark. 

Angel

There's a feeling that I hold

And I hope you're not alone

And as times get tough, i hold my hand out to you. 

But I'm over here and you're over there

and this feeling of helplessness

So I pray to God to let me be your angel 

And I pray to God to let me be your friend 

I've got a hand for you to hold 

I've got a shoulder for you to lean on 

And it'll always be there 

wherever you go... 

cuz, i'll always be your home

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